


Innocents Lost

by Mysticmcknight



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-26 23:47:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 41,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10797285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysticmcknight/pseuds/Mysticmcknight
Summary: What could have happened if no one did stand in Julian’s corner when the truth came out about his enhancements and prejudices ran high and tolerance ran low?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written over 15 years ago, so I hope my writing has improved since then, but I wished to see my old worked posted. 
> 
> This is an AU story, since all stories really are…but I altered the time line to suit my needs in that I shift the Maquis, Voyager and all that until ‘After’ the episode “Doctor Bashir, I presume” This is DS9 & Voyager combined. 
> 
> For those who wish to know WHO dies....jump to the END of the entire story where the Spoiler will be listed.

_*Some say that when you reach rock bottom there is no place to go but up; for some that’s true, for others…they start digging their graves- *_

 

“What are you still doing here?” Jabara asked of the shadow; what Bajorans called artificial creations. In this case one genetically enhanced male, her ex-boss, Doctor…correction no longer that either, simply Julian Bashir. 

Julian didn’t bother turning around to face his ex-head nurse, for he didn’t want to see the disdain in her eyes; the same hate and disgust he saw every where he turned. “I am simply making the last installment to the files so everything will be in order when…the new CMO arrives,” he stated, trying to keep his voice even. “I have Captain Sisko’s permission to do so,” he added so she wouldn’t push the issue of his being there. 

“Very well, but I would appreciate it that you didn’t take too long, I have enough to clean as it is,” she retorted and left. 

//Clean!// Julian’s mind shouted as he turned to see his ex-head nurse, a woman he once called friend, walk away. //I may be ‘unnatural’ but I am not unclean,// he growled silently. But he didn’t dare say anything, for it would only cause trouble and he had enough of that as it was. He was given one week to settle things here on DS9 before he would be taken into custody; his parents were already in jail going to face a judge tomorrow for their part in his enhancement. He would be court marshaled for his deceit and then…who knew. He had hoped, even if it was a tiny percentage, that his ‘friends’ would stand up for him, fight for him and all the good work he did…but they didn’t. The only ones to even attempt to speak on his behalf were Odo and Garak. But even Garak kept his distance, but it was because the two of them together would only flare the tempers of the hundreds of Bajoran on this station beyond their tolerance, and Elim didn’t want to bring that upon Julian; so he explained, and Julian had no choice but to accept it, so he was alone, for he would not force himself on anyone. 

It hurt when Sisko and Jadzia glared at him or when Kira shunned him as was the Bajoran way to treat ‘shadows’ but what tore at his heart was O’Brien. He had prayed beyond prayer that Miles O’Brien his best friend ever, would understand…he not only didn’t understand, he tried to beat him up. Then after getting out of the brig…no charges via Captain Sisko, he not only denounced him before all of Quarks and he destroyed all their programs and their dart board in effigy of him; that crushed him. 

No, he was alone in this. He was still required to wear his uniform until the court marshal where he would be properly demopped and disgraced as were their intentions, and Julian on some level even felt he deserved it. He had lied about what he was, but he had hoped that some how his work would speak for him…his value; it did…it was worthless, just like him. 

Taking in a cleansing breath to push his feelings aside, he turned back around and finished up his work. Regardless of what they would say, he was not going to leave a mess behind him, even though deep down he knew that it would be redone and ridiculed, he would know he had done right. He logged out for the last time and turned off all the lights of the office and slowly made his way out of the infirmary, seeing from the corner of his eye every Bajoran turning their back on him or glaring at him with disgust, along with those who were not Bajoran. He kept trying to remind himself that they were still simply caught up in the past and the horrific acts from men like Kahn and that they didn’t know he wasn’t like that, but a tiny voice would yell out…they do too know and they don’t give a fuck!

He centered his focus on getting back to his quarters and packing, he was leaving tomorrow and though he couldn’t take anything with him, Garak did say he would look after a few things for him and for this he was grateful. He met up with the human security guard assigned to escort him to and fro just outside sickbay and walked silently down the promenade ignoring the looks and the many insults shouted in his direction. //They all forgot,// that tiny voice said to him. //They all conveniently forgot that you saved the life of every man, woman, and child on this fucking station at least twice and this is how they thank you.// //Shut up,// was all Julian could respond, for again, he still felt he deserved it and though he was angry and hurt, he couldn’t sink to the level that voice was coming from and so pushed it away from him as best he could and withdrew farther into the silence. 

He reached his quarters and was startled to see they opened for he had locked them. He looked inside and his eyes went wide with horror, for someone had totally trashed them. He turned in shock to the guard who only smirked and left, for he had done his job, he delivered the prisoner ‘safely’ to his quarters. 

Julian stepped inside his quarters, his hand covering his mouth, trying to keep all the emotional pain he felt inside as he looked around to see what they had done to his room. He saw the sofa and the pillows and all the fabrics shredded, ripped up as with a knife. Furniture smashed, and words like freak, mutant, were all over the walls. Slowly he moved to the bedroom and saw much of the same, but it was the item in the far left corner that was the last straw, “No,” he cried as tears finally fell down his face as he moved with pained steps only to kneel next the shredded form of his bear, his Kukalaka; the only thing that kept him sane and was there for him when nothing else or no one else was. His head was in tact, most of the arms and legs, but the torso…

The pain of loss was overwhelming and he wailed in grief at this act of violence toward him and wrapped his arms around himself and cried heavily. Then after a few minutes, still crying, the part that couldn’t accept this made him move…move to find a large enough piece of cloth to wrap up Kukalaka and his parts and hold them dearly to his chest as he got up and made his feet move toward the door. He knew no one was there to stop him from leaving; in fact he knew it was part of the set up so if anyone wanted to hurt him they could. The only reason no one did was Odo, he passed word that he would personally be watching over Julian, but obviously this time, Odo was not looking. 

He moved out the door, not caring if anyone saw him crying as they passed him, not caring if anyone shouted insults to him along with that he was lucky to still be breathing, not caring about anything but getting to where he was going…his only hope. Once he was there he leaned on the buzzer until finally the door opened. 

“What!” Garak shouted, not knowing who was at his door. His eyes went wide at the site that greeted him. He had been silently keeping people away from Julian, the best that he could and not cause him more trouble, so he had not actually seen him in the last week, and seeing him now… Julian had lost some weight and had dark circles under his eyes, but it was the tears that tore at his heart, for he could see that the young man he loved and would do anything for was standing before him, his heart breaking. He never said anything to Julian about falling in love with him, for Julian was young and things just never presented themselves, and with this new information it would only add to the pressure in his young life. Sure Cardassian’s disdained enhancements…unless it served them, but Elim saw Julian’s soul and knew a good man when he saw one, and Julian was it. 

“My dear Doctor, what happened?” he asked as he gently maneuvered Julian into his quarters. 

“F…fi…fix him,” he stuttered, trying to catch his breath, the tears still flowing hard. “Th…the…they hurt him,” he cried as he pushed the bundle toward Garak. “Pl…please…I’ll do anything…please,” he cried as he fell to his knees holding up the small bundle to Garak. 

Elim couldn’t hold his own tears seeing Julian in so much pain like this. He knelt down and took the small bundle unwrapping it slowly and saw the bear. It had only been a couple of months ago that Julian had told him about Kukalaka and how this bear meant the world to him, and only a week ago that he told him why. This bear was the only thing to stand by him even as a child when all this started and it was Julian’s source of strength. Here it now was badly damaged and normally he would consider beyond repair, but seeing his love on the verge of total defeat inspired him to at least try. “I’ll fix him, Julian,” he soothed as he reached out and wrapped his arms around the fragile young man he so deeply cared about, wishing that these were not the circumstances that this had brought this closeness about. 

He held the precious soul in his arms and rocked Julian until he calmed down, “I’ll fix him, I promise,” he found himself saying, when he felt that these were the only words that would help his love. 

“I…I don’t think…anyone…”

“Shh, Jahkim,” he soothed, knowing Julian didn’t know Cardassian to know he had just called him his beloved. “If I said I would fix him…then I will. Now,” he then said, slowly helping Julian off the floor and to the sofa. “Let me get you something to drink and then I’ll get to work, okay?” 

Julian simply nodded; he had no fight in him at the moment. 

Garak moved to the replicator after placing the precious package on the table and got Julian a drink. He felt bad that he slipped a sedative in it, but his Jahkim needed to sleep…a dreamless sleep, so he could rest. He turned and offered it to Julian while he went into the bed room to make his bed ready for his beloved to sleep while he was at his shop, the only place he stood a chance in fixing the bear. He moved out to the living room to see the sedative had done its job fast; Julian was out like a light. He gently scooped his beloved into his arms and carried him to the bed and laid him down. He then got him undressed and cleaned up and placed on a night shirt and tucked him in. Then he exited his bedroom with Julian’s com badge, so if anyone tried to track Julian, they would track him instead. He then moved to the computer and placed in a few codes that would insure that his Jahkim was safe and protected while he rested in here…no one would touch Julian so long as he could prevent it. 

Then he took the small bundle and closed it up again. He knew that there was no way to restore the bear to its original form, but he would come as close as he could and with some creative tailoring, he just might be able to keep the bear alive in Julian’s mind…for in the end, that was all that mattered. 

***********

“Keep him for me,” Julian said softly as he handed his treasured bear to Elim Garak. He gently looked down at his Kukalaka that now sported a mini-tux as the outer body where there had once been a bare torso and a simple bow; but Elim fixed him as promised and made him almost like new. “They won’t let me have him where I’m going, and at least this way, I know where to find him,” he smiled, wishing he could say or do more, but the guards were growing inpatient and even if Odo was here now, he wouldn’t be for the rest of the trip and he didn’t want to make this worse by pissing them off. 

Hesitantly Garak took the precious bear, “Alright. But only until you come and get him, Guls only know what I’m going to do with a stuffed bear,” he teased, his eyes saying so much more. “Promise me you’ll come back for him, Okay?” Garak asked softly, wishing desperately that he could have convinced Julian to run away with him, but Julian wouldn’t go for it, stating he would face the consequences of his actions. 

“Oh, I’m sure your figure something out, Elim, you always do,” Julian replied, then turned, squared his shoulders and walked with the guards to the shuttle that would be taking him to Rigel 12 where he would be arraigned and then court-martialed. He then looked back, “I promise, Elim” he smiled and moved on.

He kept his eyes forward as he was paraded along the promenade deck, knowing it was Sisko’s way to show the Bajoran’s he was being dealt with. He wasn’t surprised that no one showed to say goodbye…except Odo and Garak. He gave Odo his sincere thanks and entered the shuttle and accepted the gel cuffs the guards were not allowed…via Odo, to place on him before, in silence. He sat silently, withdrawn, ignoring the taunts of the guards as he flew to his current fate. 

************

A Vulcan female that went by the name of T’Pel stood as Julian’s council and approached the prosecutor’s witness for cross examination, and had just finished jogging his memory about a particular day where the Defiant was under attack…

“Commander Sisko, in your own words, on the day in question, how many people were on the bridge of the Defiant?”

Sisko shifted on the chair in the witness box, “According to reports, there were sixteen.” 

“This includes, Doctor Bashir?” 

“Yes.”

“Why was he on the bridge instead of sickbay?” T’Pel inquired evenly. 

“We had been fired upon and had several injured and transporters were down and Doctor Bashir had reported to aid in the injured. Three severely injured due to a console having exploded on them.”

“I see. In your own words, what happened next?” 

“The enemy vessel turned to make another run at us, and though we avoided most of their firer, we were still hit.”

“How many people on the bridge were hurt from this attack?” 

Sisko seemed to look guilty as he cleared his throat, “According to reports, fifteen. Five of the fifteen had died in this attack on my ship,” he replied as evenly as he could. 

“Commander, how many people were on the Defiant that day?” 

“Fifty seven.” 

“Thank you; please continue on the events that occurred that day.” 

“I had been tossed out of my chair but could still see the screen, the enemy vessel was barreling down toward us, our helmsman was dead and what seemed like no where, Doctor…err, Lieutenant Bashir jumped into the pilot seat and took over flying and weapons.”

“In your opinion is this typical behavior of what a Starfleet doctor’s reaction would be?” she asked. 

“I…would say no.” 

“What was the result of what transpired by his actions?” 

“He managed to fire on the enemy crippling them and get us to safety,” Sisko stated, never once looking at the young man he was speaking of. 

“Then what did he do?”

“He started helping the injured.”

“From this encounter, how many survived out of the Fifty seven members that were aboard that day?” 

“Fifty two,” Sisko stated. 

“So, if Lieutenant Bashir did not act all hands would have been lost. In fact the only ones lost were the ones that died on impact of the second volley, correct?” 

“Yes,” Sisko replied. 

“Where was Doctor Bashir when you last saw him before the second volley?” 

“By the turbolift at the back of the bridge,” Sisko said, not sure what this had to do with anything. 

“You said that out of nowhere the Lieutenant was there, why?” 

“Well, it was only a matter of split seconds?” 

“Faster than a typical human?” 

Sisko now saw where this was leading, “Ah…yes.” 

“What about his reaction time to the enemy vessel; would you say in your opinion that they were typical of a ‘normal’ human?” 

“I…never thought about it,” Sisko stated honestly. 

“What about now? Do you believe that had the Lieutenant been ‘typical’ that you would be here today?”

“Your Honor, I wish to know where the council is leading with this type of questioning, I have been most patient?” the Prosecutor stated. 

“With all due respect, your Honor, I am attempting to establish that had my client been other than who and what he is, the Prosecutor’s witness would not even be alive much less able to render testimony. Starfleet regulations 1259-2389-A states that during a court-martial, council for the Defendant may establish in detail all actions of the Defendant that has resulted in prominent actions such as commendations and other forms of high praise in the line of duty in order to establish character; I am doing so.”

Admiral Ross nodded, “I understand, but do you need to…expand on ‘all’ the details?” 

T’Pel raised a typical Vulcan brow, “Since it is apparent that this court has difficulty in seeing the accused in other eyes than that of a criminal, I do indeed believe it best to remind them that this is ‘not’ the case. May I proceed?” 

Admiral Ross nodded, for by law she was in legal right to do so, and he would not stand accused of not providing a ‘fair’ trial. “Commander, answer the question if you please.” 

Sisko nodded, though he wanted off this stand. “I believe that had the Lieutenant not been there that day, we would have all died, yes.” 

T’Pel nodded. “Commander, in the three years that you have been in command of DS9, do you know how many commendations you yourself have placed in the Lieutenants record?” 

Sisko thought about it, “I’m not sure, twelve?” 

“Twenty-four, Commander, that’s twice as many than both your second in command and Lieutenant Dax combined. Do you feel that he earned them?” 

“Yes, if I put them there he deserved them, I don’t give commendations lightly.”

“I did not believe that you did,” she replied, pleased that this point was made. “You are a single Father, correct?”

“Yes?” 

“Your son’s name is Jake, correct?”

“Correct.”

“You were on a family vacation a year ago on Gamma III when he was severally injured, correct?” 

“Yes, that is correct.”

“Your Honor?”

“I will make my point quickly,” T’Pel stated, seeing typical human impatience. 

“Please,” Admiral Ross stated, for he didn’t care for being made to feel guilty for doing his job. 

“The doctors told you that the almost severed limb was beyond regular treatment and even with the best of care he would have to use a cane to be able to walk, is that correct?”

“Yes,” Sisko stated, as his eyes showed he recalled that moment clearly. 

“You sent for Doctor Bashir, why is that? You had fully qualified surgeons there?”

“I…I wanted only the best for my son, and at the time I believed it was Doctor Bashir,” Sisko replied, more than wishing he was not here. 

“He operated on your son. How long was the surgery?” 

Sisko sighed, there was no getting out of this for it was the truth, “It was supposed to be two, four hour operations, but Julian…ah, Doctor…” he grimaced, this was difficult, “The Lieutenant remained in surgery for a total of nine hours.” 

“Is your son here today?” 

“Yes.” 

“With the courts permission, I would like to ask if Jake Sisko would stand and simply approach the bench.” 

Admiral Ross knew where this was leading, but allowed it, with a nod. All watched as Jake stood up and walked forward with no cane, and no sign of a limp, toward the bench, then with a gesture, back to his seat. Several people gasped, others were just too stunned to speak. 

“No limp, no cane. It would seem that Doctor Bashir had out done himself, would you not agree?” 

Sisko finally looked at Julian, and saw the large dark eyes looking back at him hurt, and all he could do was look away, “Yes. He did a wonderful job. But that doesn’t excuse…”

“That will be all, thank you,” T’Pel stated evenly and took a seat next to Julian and noticed the anger and hurt of seeing his Commanding officer step down, having been a witness for the prosecutor…no one here today was willingly here to testify on his behalf…it hurt. 

**********

“Major, you’ve explain in great detail the religious beliefs of the Bajorans and why they are so outraged to find out that a genetically enhanced individual was working on the station, and I thank you for that. However, I would like to ask you a few questions, such as, would, in your opinion, the Bajoran people choose death then accept the aid of a genetically enhanced person?” 

Kira thought about it, “I…guess?” 

“Then thankfully for them they were unaware of the Lieutenants condition, or there would no longer be a Bajor to hold it against him,” she replied evenly. 

Kira frowned at this, but remained silent. She was here as the Bajoran representative in this case, for they were outraged that a ‘shadow’ had been allowed on their station. 

“Do you recall the crisis on Bajor that occurred thirteen months ago? I believe you called it, the Red plague?” 

Kira unwillingly gave a tiny shiver, “Yes, I recall.” 

“It took three days before DS9, the nearest Starfleet and outside medical facility to be notified. By then, to you knowledge, how many people had died?” 

Kira look tense, “three hundred.”

“This was no ordinary illness, Bajor was facing extinction if the plague ran ramped, so the Bajoran Council had stated when they contacted you at DS9, correct?” 

“Yes, that is true. They didn’t know how to contain it.”

“What happened over the next few days, in your own words?” 

Kira gave an inner sigh, “Doctor Bashir organized the quarantine procedures and in thirty-two hours, he had it contained on the western hemisphere of Bajor as well as security forces securing all vessels that had left from that region.”

“Thus at least stopping the plague from spreading?”

“Yes.” 

“Even with the quarantines, how many people were now isolated in those areas?” 

Kira sighed, “Approximately Six thousand people.” 

T’Pel arched a brow. “So, in all that time, how many other doctors had arrived from Starfleet to assist Bajor in this crisis?” 

“None.” 

********

“So, besides your own physicians, only Doctor Bashir was working on the cure. Did you assist in his work?” she asked the Bajoran woman now on the witness stand. 

“Yes,” Jabara replied. 

“From your knowledge, how much rest did Doctor Bashir have during this crisis?” 

Jabara shifted uncomfortably having been summoned against her will to be here. “None,” she replied honestly. 

“None? Is that not unusual behavior?” 

“Not for Doctor Bashir, he always put in a hundred and ten…percent,” she drifted off her words as she realized she was singing his praises; she was not suppose to do that, he was not real, just a ‘shadow’. 

“How long did it take him to find the cure to the Red plague?” 

“Two days,” she replied, trying to keep the memory of how thrilled and proud she had been when he announced he found it. 

“Forty-eight hours with no rest, all alone, he discovered a cure that saved over Five thousand lives; more if you include how he contained the plague from spreading among the populace. I asked Major Kira, now I will ask you, would you have denied the cure had you been aware of Doctor Bashir’s condition, knowing that on the average one hundred people were dying each day?” 

T’Pel didn’t push for an answer, she had made her point as she watched the Bajoran woman struggle for a reply. “Thank you, I have no more questions.” Once more she sat down next to her silent client and spotted the pain of betrayal in his eyes. Though they spoke of his good deeds, he knew they only did so for it was the truth, not because any of them wanted to do so. She silently wondered for a moment why they were even here, he was a noble and good man that had out done himself for the good of others…he committed no true crime…? 

When it was time to give her final appeal she reminded the courts that her client was only a child of six years and not capable of making any decision on what was to happen to him, that the matter of his enhancements was not his doing but his parents. His only crime, if that, was remaining silent, for he desired to serve people by becoming a healer and from all records was one of the best in only a few short years, having more than made it clear that his intentions were to serve humanity not take advantage of it as the history books have portrayed enhanced individuals. That he alone was responsible for over thousands of lives being saved and well this very day and that he should not be penalized for things beyond his control. As she took her seat she could tell, though she made some headway, they were not going to let her win this case, no matter how much she showed them that she should…it wasn’t logic but hate that was motivating this court and she didn’t have the power to fight it…completely, but for her client’s sake, she would try. 

****End Part One*****


	2. Chapter 2

She had told Julian that she would not be able to keep him in Starfleet or keep his credentials, but that she was positive that she could keep him out of jail and she had been partly correct, for as she had told him later, she did not count on the emotional response of hate entering into a court of law. The original sentence was to be stripped of his rank and credentials and put in prison for each year he deceived Starfleet, a total of seven years, four at the academy, and three at DS9. T’Pel, argued on his behalf citing his multiple good works in the name of humanity, and that he had no say in what was done to him as a child of six. His only crime was that of silence, for she pointed out that Julian had done more than attempted to make up for his injustice to Starfleet with his work and the many lives he had saved…she was a good lawyer… so it was then that Julian would only serve seven months instead of seven years before being turned lose back into the world with the stipulation that he was no longer to practice medicine anywhere in Federation territory or any allied world under penalty of fraud and he had to declare himself as a mutant before accepting any wage paying job or again was subjugated to misrepresentation and fraud and would go back to jail. 

He graciously accepted the apology of his council and thanked her for all she had done for him as he was led away in gel cuff and an orange jumpsuit, standard issue for Federation prisoners to the shuttle he was now own, heading to a penal colony…Auckland in New Zealand. He knew that no matter what special arrangements his lawyer had made for him, his stay in prison would be no picnic as he saw the looks of hate and disgust he was getting from the other prisoners that were on the shuttle with him. 

Since there was nowhere for the prisoners to go, the guards were up at the front and paid little attention to their charges, just enough to make sure they didn’t try anything. One of the men, a big burly guy, hair, head to toe and all seemed to be slick with oil, shifted and gave a look to the smaller man next to Julian who quickly moved to let him sit there. “Hey pretty boy,” he replied, his voice deep and raspy. “I bet no one has made claim to your sweet ass yet,” he chuckled. “If you agree to be my bitch, I’ll keep that ass of yours safe,” he said as he leaned closer to Julian, unsure if he liked or disliked the fact that Julian didn’t move or respond to him. 

“Hey, Zeak, don’t you know what your hitting on?” Another big ugly man teased. “That’s not even human.” 

“What?” the large hairy man said looking at his fellow prisoner that he obviously knew. 

“That my friend is pure bon-a-fide hundred percent mutant,” the other man chuckled and then leaned forward and spit into Julian’s face. “See, doesn’t even act right,” he added seeing Julian didn’t respond to the insult or the assault. 

“Is that true, pretty boy? You’re a fucking freak?” Zeak asked as he nudged Julian’s shoulder trying to get a response from him. He started to get man, “I asked you a question…boy!” he growled.

“Shut it, Zeak!” a guard shouted. 

Zeak was not pleased at being yelled at and stood up and even with the cuffs on he still was able to grab Julian’s hair, and stared into his face, “You listen here, freak. You may think your better than the rest of us, but your lower than dirt and except to pound you into that dirt, I wouldn’t touch you…but I’ll make sure I find a few that won’t mind getting their dicks contaminated to sweeten your pretty face and ass,” he growled and shoved Julian back so hard he hit his head. “Freak.” He growled and reclaimed his old seat before the guard came back this way. “Even freaks like you have to sleep some time and then…” he gave a dark evil chuckle. 

Julian was scared, but there was nothing he could do and so did the only thing he could…withdraw inward. With reactions like this, he quickly started to believe he wouldn’t live to see the end of the week much less the end of his prison sentence and resigned himself to existing one day at a time. 

The shuttle landed and he was taken out first and escorted to a high security wing where he was suppose to be safe, but by the looks of the guards and the looks they gave him, he doubt it. He was tossed into a tiny cell that had a cot, a wool blanket, a pillow without a case, a sink, a toilet and barely enough room to stand much less walk. Then he had his cuffs removed from his hands and ankles. 

He was told of the rules and as a ‘special’ prisoner, he would be assigned ‘special’ detail. Julian listened and didn’t say a word and didn’t move until the soul chilling echo of the cell door vibrated throughout him. Then he moved and sat down on his bed and curled up, wishing he had the nerve to cry, but he was too scared to do even that and so he slept…with one eye open; a benefit of being enhanced, for he could attune his body to become aware of a presence, and he knew he would need that now. 

He had only been resting for two hours, so his eternal clock told him when the squeak of his door woke him. He remained still, though aware as the door opened and heard someone enter inside. He sat up and looked at the man that now stood before him; he was a prisoner and Julian knew he had to have been allowed in here and he knew why. He matched this man’s eyes and saw the anger and the amusement this guy felt standing before him. 

Julian, having again resigned himself to his fate, shifted slowly from the bed and stood before the guy, his body trembling, and he swallowed hard, unsure if he could do this, but he didn’t see he had a choice and so lowered himself to his knees and waited. 

“Awe shucks, it looks like you won’t be as much fun as I had hoped, bitch,” the large man laughed, though he didn’t seem too disappointed. “Just to make sure you do understand things,” he said, and then backhanded Julian so hard, Julian fell backwards and hit his head, his mouth and the back of his head now bleeding. “Get your fucking self up and strip you piece of scum, I don’t have all day,” he shouted. 

Julian thought about fighting, and then thought differently; for again, he knew he deserved this…he was scum. He started to get up and slowly undo his jumpsuit; that was until the others walked in. 

“Hey, I was expecting a little rumble before my tumble,” another large male said, this one a Bolian that walked in, followed by a Klingon, two Orion males, and two more humans. 

“No, this bitch is tame,” the first one said till he saw Julian had stopped what he was doing and stared. “I said strip bitch,” he laughed. 

“I…I can’t take…” Julian stuttered, referring to taking so many; it was physically impossible. 

“What, your genetically enhanced ass not up to code,” the first man laughed, then back handed Julian again, forcing him back toward the wall. “I said strip, or do we get to play after all,” he grinned darkly. 

“I…I can’t possibly…there’s too many of you,” he said, the fear starting to take over and his body started to shake. 

“I guess you get your rumble before your tumble after all, Jemmy,” the large guy said and with a gesture, the two of them advanced on Julian. 

“No…no, please,” he cried out as he was being grabbed and tears stared to fall. “There’s too many of you…please,” he cried and began to struggle, too many years of holding back his abilities allowed it, as the fists started to fall on his body as he was dragged out of the cell, for it was too small for this large gang, out in the deserted hall, where they forced him to the ground and ripped his clothes off while kicking him and hitting him, all the while laughing and mocking his pleas that there was too many of them. 

Then there was the burning pain of tissue ripping as he felt the penetration and all the humiliation that went along with being raped…over and over and over again. Julian cursed his enhancements, for if he were human he would have died long before now…having been raped fourteen times by the Seven men, before he knew nothing more. 

Even worse for Julian was the moment he woke up in the prison sickbay…he was going to live. He looked around to see the nurse look at him, her eyes blank and then she turned away, “Doc, ‘its’ awake,” she yelled and moved on with her duties. Julian simply closed his eyes and wished he was dead as he felt a huge part of him did just that. He even wondered if he could stop his heart on command, since he could control his body functions, and as he was doing so, the vision of Elim Garak crossed his mind and the promise he made to return to him. It would be this promise that would keep him in this world…nothing else or so he thought. 

*************

If it hadn’t been for his lawyer T’Pel, a mother of three and whose husband who also served in Starfleet, he was sure he would have not survived his first month here in Auckland much less the seven. She had come to visit him and was appalled, which is saying something for a Vulcan, at Julian’s condition. She did ask him to press charges, but Julian simply told her that in the long run it would only cause more trouble than help, especially since the guards were involved…though he had no proof nor would he testify…if he wanted to live. 

She did not care for Julian’s decision not to press charges, but respected it. She also made sure that the Warden knew she would be coming to visit Julian every week and she would report his condition to ‘her’ superiors and if need be, the press. She had been among humans long enough to know that no one liked bad press and found it logical to remind them of it from time to time. That promise kept the gangs away, for the guards weren’t going to risk their jobs…not for the likes of him. It didn’t stop the individual rapes or forced sex, since Julian submitted, however, or the beatings he got from time to time either.

On the day of his release he really was only a shadow of his former self as well as pretty beaten down spiritually. He had very little life left in his eyes as he looked at the only person that came to visit him and talk with him over the seven months…his lawyer and friend, T’Pel. It was through her visits and her tales of her family, current and past that got him through the days, as it was Elim’s face that got him through the nights and other rough patches during his ‘short’ stay in prison; he knew that if he were allowed contact with anyone besides T’Pel, Elim would have written, for it was too dangerous for him to leave the station, but alas, he was denied that as part of his…rehabilitation. 

“You are coming home with me,” she stated as a matter of fact, and after all this time, Julian knew not to argue with her…even if he could match her…he didn’t have the spirit to do so. 

“I…I was wondering if I might…” he tried to say, but he had become so timid over the months that it had become difficult for him to speak. 

“Come, Julian, you must speak if you are to get what you need,” she stated, doing her best to lend him her streanght. 

“I was wondering if I might see my Mother. They would not let me have any contact with her or anyone outside of you,” he finally said. 

“After you have properly rested, I will see what I can arrange for the woman’s facility is in the Falklands,” she stated. “If a visit or any form of contact can be arranged, I will do so on your behalf. Since I live on Vulcan, I have made arrangements for your passage with me for tomorrow night.” 

“Thank you,” Julian replied softly, wondering why this wonderful woman would do all this for…him. Didn’t she see what he was? But he wouldn’t argue with her, for he had no place else to go. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t go back to Elim like this…the prison whore. No, Elim may have tolerated his enhancements, but he would never want a worthless whore like him now. 

“You are…welcome,” she stated, again a sign that she had served among humans long. “Come,” she said, and helped him to the cab that would take them to the motel where he could clean up, rest and change into ‘real’ clothes, not the ones the prison gave him.

What he didn’t realize was how tired he was for over the seven months he barely rested, always keeping attuned so not to be jumped in his sleep…giving him the option of submitting willingly, so not to be beaten up too badly; so once in the cab, with T’Pel next to him, feeling safe for the first time ever…he fell asleep immediately.

*************

Julian had been denied a visit with his mother, though through T’Pel’s assistance, he was allowed to write her a letter and receive one in return and his council…his friend, T’Pel had agreed to deliver it for him personally to assure its arrival and a response. 

He told his mother that he loved her and forgave her, for in his heart he had done so, having had plenty of time to see that she only did what she had done out of love, only wanting the best for her son. He only wished he had figured that part out long ago and could tell her to her face and hug her again, but it would be another year and half before she would be free. 

His father was a different story, for he had time to think about him too and saw that it was more a political thing than an act of love, for how would it look for an ambassador to have a mentally retarded child…no, Julian had not forgiven him nor did he care that he would probably never see him again, since Richard Bashir had received ten years in prison without parole. 

He now sat quietly in the tiny hotel room that over looked the Falkland Islands, only twenty-five miles from his mother and feeling it was a galaxy between them for all it mattered; he was not allowed to see her. He waited for T’Pel’s return, and sipped on some Vulcan herbal tea, knowing that if he was going to be there any length of time, he should learn to adapt and not be a burden on his hosts. //Perhaps I might even find a way to repay her for all this,// he thought, finding a thread of life still within him at this thought. 

He continued to sip on the tea for it also had many nutritional properties and he was pretty thin as it was, not having an appetite wasn’t helping his case any and it pleased T’Pel to take care of him and heaven knew he could use it…deserving of it was another matter all together. Contemplating his current situation…his…life, he knew he had to contact Elim, at the very least let him know how he was and where he was and apologize, for he wouldn’t be keeping his promise…he never wanted to set foot on DS9 again much less face the man he loved. This thought gave Julian cause to sigh, for he had desperately had hoped to find the courage to tell Elim Garak how he truly felt about him, that it was more than a puppy following an enticing bone, as Garak had said to him once…that he was in love with him…all of him; he didn’t care about Elim Garak’s past…just the soul he had come to know and cherish. But he was now tarnished…beyond repair, as he put it, and where he was not good enough for Elim before, being a lying mutant, he had become even less as a prison whore; too scared to live…to scared to die…a coward and a whore. 

The front door opened and he looked up to see T’Pel enter the room looking…perplexed; something was wrong. “What happened?” he asked in his timid voice. 

T’Pel took a seat next to Julian at the table, “I was able to deliver your letter to your mother, however, she was…too weak to give a written response. I have committed her words to memory,” she stated, resting a hand on his arm, a sign of comfort; unusual for Vulcans accept to their young, and Julian knew that on some level T’Pel saw him as one of her own…which he could be considering her age; though she didn’t look a day over thirty, much less Seventy-five. 

“Why…why is she…” 

“It appears that she has suffered a heart attack and by the time it was noticed her heart had suffered damage; I am sorry,” she stated, another sign that this woman understood humans well. 

“She…she’s…dying?” Julian asked, his voice barely above a whisper as the few tears he had left in his soul flooded in his eyes. 

T’Pel tightened her grip on his arm, “Yes, Julian, she is dying.” She could feel the tremor through out the thin body under her touch as well as sense the hurt and anger and all the other raw emotions this young man was feeling and for his sake, gently pushed a wave of soothing toward him, for there would be more this fragile soul was going to have to endure. “I have attempted on your behalf to secure a visit, but I was denied on all counts. They have informed me that you would not be allowed to visit her until this time next year as is stated in the law and in accordance to the conditions of her imprisonment.” 

“She…she won’t…” he tried to say, his breath hitching, trying to remain calm, as he felt the streanght T’Pel was sending him through their touch. He swallowed hard, “She won’t be alive next year if she is as bad as you say,” he finally replied. 

“I…understand that, and have attempted to get them to understand the flaw in their logic…”

“It’s not logic, T’Pel, but hate…pure and simple hate of me. They’re going to punish us more because they hate the very fact that I exist.” He stated, his anger starting to surface, though not for himself, for his mother, sick and alone in some prison infirmary. He knew all too well what they were like having spent over a quarter of his prison time in one…as a patient. 

“I have filed a petition…”

“With all due respect, T’Pel, it is a waste of time; they don’t want us to have this time together and they will put more effort into keeping us apart then healing her,” he stated coolly, trying to push the hate away…it wasn’t suppose to be in him and he didn’t want it. 

“None the less, I have done so. I am going to contact a few associates of mine and see if they have any options to offer us. But first your message; I am proud to be your mother and proud to have you as a son, Julian. I always have been long before the operation and I love you just as much if not more, not because you went from Jules to Julian, but because you have grown more into my heart every day since the day I was blessed with you in my life. No matter what, don’t let them win and always know I love you.” 

T’Pel sat quietly for a moment to let Julian’s mother’s words sink in. “Please rest and drink your tea until I return,” she stated as she rose from the table and headed back to the far room where the communication unit was located. 

He sat there silently thinking of what his mother had said and it touched him deeply that she was proud of him…her freakish son. But it touched him more that she said she was ‘always’ proud of him and that she loved him more today not because he was enhanced, but because they were together longer…a son and his mother, nothing more. He wiped away the remaining few tears that dampened his cheeks when he heard T’Pel’s voice, and for a Vulcan to raise it so, something had to be wrong. 

He quietly got up and moved so he could hear what was going on and could hear that T’Pel was in conversation with someone and they were speaking in Vulcan. T’Pel knew he spoke the language; she knew quite a lot about him over the seven months that others had not learned in years of knowing him, for he now had nothing to hide. He didn’t catch all of what was being said, but he did catch the meaning; T’Pel’s job and position was being ‘logically’ threatened and being placed in jeopardy because of him. 

//I don’t know why I thought that T’Pel was the rule among Vulcans instead of the exception,// he growled mentally, but it appeared to be the case. She was being informed that if she brought him to Vulcan that she would face serious disciplinarian actions. //Hell, it’s not like she’s asking to marry me or even give me a job, just a roof over my head,// he growled some more as he moved into the other room that was provided by her for him. 

Julian also knew that the Vulcan council would do as they had said; they didn’t make ‘empty’ threats, which everyone knew. He also knew T’Pel and that she would face those charges…if he let her. It wasn’t the best way to thank her for all she did for him, but it would be the best for her and her family in the long run. His stuff, still packed, not that there was much, was gathered, along with the hooded cloak she had given him for travel and then picked up a note pad and left her a note apologizing, but that he wouldn’t let her sacrifice her career and more importantly, family for the likes of him…he wasn’t worth it; even if she thought so. He told her to take care of her family and to continue to be the wonderful person she was and thanked her for being his source of strength while he was in prison, but the fates had determined he was to walk this life alone…he would start now. 

He then placed the pad on his pillow and because he was aware of Vulcan hearing, he headed into the bathroom, turned on the shower and exited via the window; they were only three floors up…nothing for his enhanced body and he was gone. 

****End of Part Two********


	3. Chapter 3

In three more weeks it would be a year since he had last seen his love and almost five months since he last heard from him. He was worried to death about Julian, especially since he didn’t know where he was or what was happening to him. His contacts had come up with nothing; it almost seemed that Julian Bashir had vanished from the universe, but it was a large universe, and Julian could be anywhere. 

He entered his quarters after a grueling day of dealing with people he couldn’t stand since they were the reason his Jahkim was not with him, but he had to continue to move forward…day to day, for it was his nature to survive. Of course the fact that certain people had a rougher time of things…systems constantly breaking down, rumors of a certain engineer cheating on his wife… and other things, was only a passing fancy to occupy his time. The only person he spent any quality time with, ironically enough was Odo, for only the shape-shifter understood the dynamics of Julian’s leaving, though he was gracious enough not to mention it directly…he gave support. 

Of course as there were tiny perks, to surviving, there were large burdens, and one of them was the new CMO, a real arrogant ass; one Doctor Zimmerman. After only one meeting of the man…the same man responsible for Julian’s down fall, he knew without a doubt he hated him. Only the thought that he would not be here should Julian come looking for him kept him from killing the man with his own bare hands…or having him killed, since Odo would most likely discover it was him. So he avoided him like the Caldonian Plague, but the bastard was suddenly obsessed with Cardassians for the Federation and Cardassia had signed a treaty giving a large section of former Federation territory to Cardassia…this made some happy and others furious; especially the people who lived there didn’t get any say in the matter. This also over encouraged the annoying doctor to want to know Cardassian anatomy better and since Garak was the only Cardassian stationed on board…he nagged him to death. 

So when the buzzer sounded off the wall he was tempted to get the phaser he had hidden in his room and blast the man. He then was going to ignore it, but knew that never worked so stormed to the door and opened it…and stared at the tall figure that was soaking wet and covered in a dirty hooded cloak. “Can I help you?” he finally asked with curiosity as the figure fell to his feet. 

He knelt down and saw the blood pool on the ground. He pushed the hood back and gasped for even through the malnutrition, the months of facial hair and the dirt and the beatings and scars, he knew his Jahkim when he saw him…and he was looking at his battered and injured body now. He also knew why Julian came here instead of the sickbay and so quickly gathered his love up in his arms and carried him to his bed and placed him on top. He called the Doctor, “I have an emergency that needs your presence immediately,’ he stated and closed the channel. “Garak to Odo” 

“Yes, Garak, what can I do for you?” 

“I have an emergency in my quarters that needs your ‘personal’ attention,” he stated, hoping this would bring Odo alone, for not too many people could know Julian was here. 

There was silence a moment, “I’m on my way,” Odo stated and closed the channel. 

“Doctor Zimmerman to Garak, what is the meaning of…”

“I said, Doctor that I have an emergency and no, they can’t be beamed to your location or I would have called for an emergency transport. So if you would be so kind…?” 

“Very well,” he huffed and closed the channel. 

Garak moved to get his first aid kit and slowly started moving the dirty rags that passed as Julian’s clothes and noticed the deep knife wound in his side. With pain staking care, he took his material cutting scissors, having a spare in his quarters if he decided to bring work home, and cut off Julian’s clothes and had to stop and gasp at all the wounds he saw on his love’s body. He was no Doctor, but he had been an interrogator and he recognized many of these wounds; many from beatings, others from rapes…and some even from advanced interrogations, such as the Romulans were famous for. He then pulled his emotions in and packed the wound with some cloth, then moved to gather some soap and water and toss the rags, while placing a warm blanket on his love’s very frail and undernourished body. 

“Enter” he called out at the sound of the buzzer as he placed the large bowl and the washcloth and soap on the night table. He moved and shifted Julian’s face away from the door and placed a few pillows in the way so no one could easily see who he was. 

“You said you had an emergency…” Zimmerman stated as he strode right in and saw the filthy body on the bed. “My word, trash picking?” he asked as he moved to the opposite side where Garak was standing and placed his medical bag down and started pulling out his equipment. 

“He’s hurt, I think he’s been stabbed,” Garak stated, ignoring the rude comment. 

Zimmerman scanned the man on the bed, “I’d say that was the least of his problems,” he quipped. “Internal bleeding, server rectal tearing,” he stopped and looked at Elim, “This man’s been brutally rapped, and by the scare tissue I’d say repeatedly for some time,” his look was astonished that such a thing happened now a days from a clinical point of view. 

Garak felt his heart cry at hearing that his love had been so badly abused while he was here, //you should have taken him away with you, regardless of what he said,// he shouted at himself. 

“He needs to be operated on,” he stated as he continued his examination, “He also has several infections…my word, how is this man still even alive?” he asked as he stared at the readings before him. It was then that he looked down and without a word moved the pillows and saw his patient. Though it had been almost a year, he obviously didn’t forget nor did it seem to matter how different Julian looked, he knew; “what the hell is he doing on this station?” he growled. 

“Dying,” Elim quipped coldly. “He was injured and needed medical attention,” Garak started explaining. 

“Well, he’s not going to get it here,” Zimmerman replied and started putting his stuff away. 

“And where in the hell is he going to get it?” Garak demanded. 

“There is a clinic not too far from here on Vargon; I’m sure with some persuasion I might…”

“That’s at least a six hour journey, he’s dying…Doctor…or has that title changed in it’s meaning,” he growled. 

Zimmerman turned back coolly, “He is an illegal life-form, and on this station without authorization. They will most likely place him back in jail for the violation,” he snapped. 

“Key phrase…life,” Garak replied as he moved slowly around the bed. “He is a living breathing man that is hurt and needs help; help him.” 

“I will, by contacting the clinic…”

“He won’t live that long and you know it!”

“It’s the best ‘I’ can do,” Zimmerman stated turning ready to go, then his eyes went wide as he saw the phaser in Garak’s hand. 

“No, the best you can do is save his life, for I will tell you now…Doctor, if he dies…you die. And don’t think for one moment being tossed in a cell can keep me from my promise for I know many people, Doctor…many. Now, I suggest you get to work!” 

Just then Odo walked in the bedroom for the front door was unlocked and Garak did say it was important, but he didn’t expect to see the Cardassian holding a phaser on the new CMO. “Garak what is the meaning of this?”

“Constable, I’m glad you are here. This…this man has threatened to kill me. I want him arrested immediately!” 

Garak looked at Odo from the corner of his eye and nodded to the bed, “He won’t treat him; he’s dying, Odo.” 

Odo moved to the bed and gasped, for he had seen many people bad off over the years of the occupation, but Julian was now among the worst of them, his body beaten, starved, fevered, and bleeding. He looked up at the Doctor and Garak. “Why won’t you help him?” he asked of Zimmerman. 

“I already explained to Mr. Garak, that he is an illegal life-form and on this station illegally as well. Starfleet regulations are clear that such individuals…” 

“You’re wasting time, Doctor. I suggest you get started, for I mean it…I will kill you if he dies,” Garak growled, his Jahkim looking more and more pale by the second. 

“Did you here that?” Zimmerman cried out in anger to Odo.

“Yes I did, and I strongly recommend that you don’t let Doctor Bashir die,” Odo stated firmly. 

“Captain Sisko…”

“Can be informed after you have done your job…now get moving!” Garak growled again. 

Seeing he had no maneuvering room here at the moment he conceded, “Fine, but I cannot operate on him here,” Zimmerman stated flatly. 

Odo quickly whipped a tentacle across the room and took Zimmerman’s badge and placed it on himself. “Then I’ll get us all to sickbay where you can and will operate and save his life.” 

“Constable, you know what this mean don’t you?” Zimmerman growled. 

“Yes, that a friend will live…now get moving,” he stated and when Zimmerman had his medical bag he called for an emergency transport for all of them to the quarantine room, knowing that only they would arrive and without witnesses, could keep the information that Julian was on board a secret… until after the operation. 

**********

“Look, I don’t care what happens to me, but someone has to look out for him…he’s…he’s so sick,” Garak stated as he watched Zimmerman operate through the operating room glass. “Sisko will take your word over Zimmerman’s…say whatever you have to keep out of the brig and find a way to watch over him,” Garak added, his eyes never leaving the sunken face of his beloved that was partially mask so the nurses didn’t know who it was and Zimmerman agreed to keep silent about it…for now, in order to keep peace in his sickbay. 

“I have no intentions of putting you in the brig, Garak. I am not sure how much pull I have with Captain Sisko, but I plan to test it now. One way or another, Julian is going to be looked after and here on the station were we ‘both’ can keep an eye on him. Agreed?” 

Garak gave a crooked smile, “Who ever thought the day would come that you and I would be in on a scheme together,” he softly laughed, his attention still on the operation. 

“The same ones who probably foresaw a good man being prosecuted for simply existing,” Odo stated as he too looked in intently to the operating room. 

They remained silent for the rest of the time Julian was in surgery, and when Zimmerman had closed up and moved out of the room to them, he looked tired and angry, “He’ll live,” he pronounced. 

“Well, I’d thank you, but I won’t,” Garak hissed, for he blamed this man in the first place for Julian’s condition. 

Ignoring the comment, “He’ll need antibiotic therapy for he has all kinds of infections running ramped in his system…I’m amazed he’s alive…but considering…”

“Watch it, Doctor,” Odo warned, for Garak still had a phaser in his hand. 

“Hmm,” was all he said. “Well, now what?” 

“First you show me all the medical treatment he needs, since I’m sure you won’t be doing it and then…you may go call in your dogs,” Garak stated coolly. 

Zimmerman showed Garak what type of antibiotic treatments he would need and then left to get Captain Sisko since during the operation Garak or Odo had disconnected it from sickbay and Odo stated he wouldn’t give his com badge back until later. Having the CMO leave was what they wanted, for it would buy them time to transport Julian to safety; one of Garak’s safe houses he had on the station that very few knew about…even Odo, until now. 

Odo made the override arrangements while Garak gathered all the medical supplies they would need and then moved to gently gather Julian up in his arms, then gave a nod, “Okay.” 

“I’ll be in touch,” Odo said, and transported them just as Bajoran security arrived, telling Odo to stand down; he did after erasing the coordinates. 

*********

 

“No…no, please no more,” the weak voice cried out. 

Garak was by Julian’s side in a flash, only having tossed out the water he had used to bath Julian’s body and wash his hair after giving him a quick trim on his head and his face. “It’s okay, Jahkim, your safe,” he soothed and reached out and touched Julian’s shoulder only to find his wrist in a painful grasp, something he would never had expected from Julian much less anyone in this condition, much less anyone as frail looking as Julian. “Jahkim, you’re hurting me,” he said, taking deep breaths to keep his voice calm. 

Julian slowly started to open his eyes and blinked, his grip not wavering, “Elim?” he asked, his voice childlike. 

“Yes, Jahkim, it’s me, you are safe,” Garak soothed with his voice. “Could you please let go,” he asked and was relieved when Julian had done so. He was stunned at the power in that grasp and wondered what it was like if Julian was healthy and then wondered how could someone so strong get like this? 

Julian looked at his hand and immediate let go of Elim’s wrist, “I’m sorry, please don’t be angry,” he said, his voice still young and timid, as his arm now covered his face. 

“I’m not angry,” he said gently as he tried to bring Julian’s arm down and found his heart wrenching as he saw his beloved flinch to his touch. “No one is going to hurt you here, Jahkim, I won’t let it, I promise,” he stated easily, forging the touching. “Your safe,” he smiled. 

“Safe?” Julian asked as he relaxed a bit and started looking around. Though he didn’t know this room he knew this place…he was back on DS9. “How…how did I get here?” he asked puzzled as he looked at Elim. 

“You were hurt and after you were healed I brought you here to keep you safe,” Garak stated, not understanding that Julian mean the station not the room. 

But Julian accepted the answer, for some of his memory was hazy, “Oh,” he rasped in a weak voice. 

Garak reached to the nightstand and got a cup of water like fluid, “It’s a nutrient drink, you’re malnourished,’ he stated as he brought it closer, placing a straw in it, so the young man didn’t have to lean far up to drink it. “Easily, Jahkim,” he smiled as Julian drank it eagerly. “I assure you there is plenty of food and drink here and you will get your fill,” he chuckled warmly. He then took the now empty cup and got a glass of water and let Julian finish that off. “There. Now, rest and know I am right here…you’re not alone and you’re safe,” he stated. 

Julian was tired, in pain, but mostly he was tired inside and seeing his love again, recalling all that he had done over the months and feeling dirty and unworthy, he turned his head away and started to cry. “I don’t deserve you,” he sobbed softly. 

Garak was no stranger to all the signs of abuse for again he himself had been the abuser, and this was a classic symptom. Julian had taken all the hurt on himself; blaming himself and taking it on as if he deserved what happened to him. “No, you deserve better than me,” he whispered lovingly. 

This got Julian’s attention, “No I don’t. You are a good kind, loving, man…” 

“Who has done despicable things in my life, Julian…you know this. So if you can say I have value, how can you say you don’t? You who have saved thousands of lives and have done nothing but give of himself freely with a compassion that is endless?” 

“It’s not endless anymore,” Julian replied, his eyes looking dark and hollow to what they once looked like. “I really am only a shadow, Elim.” 

“No, you are flesh and blood and the man I love, damn it!” Garak growled, not meaning to confess his love, but he would not tolerate this brilliant and beautiful man talking this way about himself. 

Julian blinked his eyes, “What did you say?” he asked, his face now a mixture of confusion and hope. //I must have finally died,// he thought, for it was the only explanation that Elim would have said he loved him. 

“I said I love you, Julian. I have for years now, but was too afraid that either you would not care for me or if you might it would cause problems for your career, I…”

“I love you too, Elim. I have thought of you night and day,” he cried, reaching up and praying in his heart that if this was a dream that he would never wake up. Feeling strong arms gently holding him, he started to cry some more…this was real. 

“Then why didn’t you come back to me?” Elim asked softly, no accusation, no anger in his voice, simply a question. 

Julian looked up since he was still lying down, “I…I couldn’t. Not after…” he looked away as guilt filled his eyes. 

“Jahkim, please know that there is ‘nothing’ that would make me stop loving you…nothing.”

“I whored myself to survive,” he stated flatly, not looking at Garak, for by the tone, Garak could tell Julian didn’t believe him and this was the test. 

Garak soothed Julian’s now long hair, “You did what you had to do to survive, my beloved. I myself have done much worse and you love me, how could I do any less by you who is much more than I could ever be.” 

Julian looked toward Elim in disbelief, not sure how to take his word, and more tears fell down his face. 

Garak saw the look and understood it well, “I love you, Julian Bashir and now that I have you back, I have no intentions of ‘ever’ letting you go again,” he smiled. “That includes your delusions of poor self-worth. To me you are the most precious treasure in the universe; so hear me, Jahkim…I love you and when you’re up to it, I’m going to marry you.”

“Oh Elim,” Julian cried softly, pulling his love to him and kissing him soundly. “Dream or no…I want nothing less then to be with you forever,” he said between soft sobs and soft kisses. 

Garak curled up next to his love, for Julian was in no shape for anymore tonight and held him close, grateful that he could knowing how skittish Julian will be later on after all the physical abuse he suffered. Garak had every intention of not only healing Julian’s body, but his soul, even if it took the rest of ‘his’ life to do it. He looked over to see his love once again back to sleep, but this time a small smile was were only hours ago a deep set frown had been. 

***********

“I can’t believe you of all people were party to this!” Sisko growled as he looked at his Constable, who stood in front of him and his senior staff as his new CMO informed them of what happened. 

Odo was calm as he turned to Doctor Zimmerman, “Why don’t you give them a medical report on…Julian’s condition,” he stated, using the young man’s first name for he really wasn’t a doctor anymore. “I believe you told me he was severely malnourished, had several major infections, and needed surgery not only for the knife wound but for…?” he left it hanging on purpose. 

“The damage caused by the multiple rapes,” Zimmerman stated flatly, seeing no reason not to mention it. 

“Raped?” Jadzia stated with some shock. 

“Multiple,” Odo stated for clarification, “along with his other poor health, he would not live to see a clinic, he needed medical attention immediately.” 

“Starfleet and Federation policy stated…” Zimmer man started to say but was cut off. 

“I could care less about Starfleet or Federation policy if it means that a good man is left suffering,” Odo stated firmly. “In fact, I find it rather hypocritical of Starfleet, the Federation, and Bajor to profess the value of individual rights and life and then turn around and prosecute one of their best for simply existing.” 

“He’s not natural, he was created in a lab,” Miles growled. “Didn’t you learn anything over the years about the genetic wars?” 

“What ‘I’ learned was that Doctor Bashir was one of the most talented and giving humans I have ever met. In fact, if not for his ‘condition’ he might not have been able to develop half the vaccines that he has and over half the populous of Bajor along with many other planets in this sector would be dead now. Nor do I think any of you noticed any problems with his performance as he save each of your lives…several time over since becoming the CMO of this facility. If you ask me, the only thing unnatural and should be illegal here is your behavior and actions toward him,” Odo snapped, his anger showing, and was glad to see that he did spot a touch of remorse in a few eyes, but not many. 

“If you know where he is, I need you to tell me,” Sisko stated. “He is not allowed on the station, according to Starfleet and Bajoran laws…I’m sorry,” Sisko stated, actually feeling it. 

“Well, it was a good thing that I didn’t pay any attention to what coordinates Garak placed in the emergency transporter,” he lied, not that they could tell. 

“Bull shit!” Miles growled, “You know. I can’t believe…” 

“Chief!” Sisko growled, he wouldn’t tolerate that kind of behavior…period. “Constable, if you know…?”

“No I don’t,” he lied again, for he no longer had any respect for these people. He still enjoyed his job, but he no longer cared so much for those around him. Because of the situation with Julian Bashir, he started to see people in a whole new light, and was amazed at who he found open and those closed minded, these people were no longer on his favorite people list by far, though some farther than others. 

“I’m sorry to hear that, Odo,” Sisko stated. “You’re confided to quarters until further notice. Have your second in charge report to my office,” he then said, looking very serious and very unhappy about this. 

“As you wish,” Odo stated and turned around and left. 

“I can reconfigure the sensors…” O’Brien started to say, when he was cut off by a dark look by his Captain. “Sir, we have to find him?”

“First of all, your behavior is unacceptable, Chief. I strongly suggest you get yourself under control. Second, Garak knows this station better than we do; if he’s hiding Julian, I doubt we’ll find him, and I am not ‘wasting’ any time or man power or equipment to do so. He can’t stay hidden forever….dismissed,” he growled, looking at them all. Truth was, he didn’t want to look for Julian, for by the time he got to this part in the conversation he realized Odo had a point, even if he didn’t want to fully admit it. If Julian stayed hidden here…so be it, at least he was safe… Guilt filled him, but he pushed it aside and went about his duties. 

***********

Garak had taken a hug risk going back to his cabin, but he knew of a particular item that he had to get for his Jahkim; his trusted bear. He was surprised that his only obstacle was the chief, but he bypassed him with ease and gathered what he would need to stay hidden while his love healed, for he would need lots of time; not only for his physical wounds but the mental ones as well. 

He reentered his hideout and placed the bear in his sleeping Jahkim’s arms and saw many of the worry lines that had returned ease, but not fade. Julian had woken up several times and the scene that had played out the first time he awoke had been repeated almost word for word. Julian was still lost in his guilt and shame and had trouble believing that he was with Garak and that he was loved, but Elim convinced him just before sleep overtook him once more. 

This time he hoped that with the presence of the bear, Julian will be able to accept that he was safe and he was loved and would be all right, for this was his prayer as he laid down next to his love and rested, for he knew that it was going to be a long haul before Julian was back on his feet again. Julian’s body was a mess, frail and undernourished. Garak knew that if Julian’s spirit was anything like his body, it was going to take a lot of healing to get his Jahkim well, but he would not truly rest until it was done; it was the least he owned his love for failing him. //I should have just taken him away,// he scolded himself once more before sleep over took him too. 

*****End of Part Three**********


	4. Chapter 4

A week had passed and Julian was doing much better though he was still very week, he no longer suffered from hazed memories, a result of the head injury he had received, though he was very withdrawn and said very little. Garak did see his eyes starting to finally have some shine back in them and knew then that his Julian was making his way back. 

He had taken the liberty and not only bathed Julian, but properly trimmed his hair, and shaved off the month’s worth of beard. The bruises were starting to fade with the help of the regenerator and his love didn’t look as pale as he was given steady meals. He was helping Julian sit up for lunch when Julian suddenly reached out and caressed his face. 

“I’ve always wanted to do that,” He said in a very soft voice, using more words that Garak normally heard from his lips. 

“I have always wanted to touch and be touch by you too, Jahkim,” he smiled lovingly, especially seeing the light in his love’s eyes, since he told Julian that Jahkim was Cardassian for Beloved and he used it all the time now. 

“I want you to make love to me, Elim,” Julian whispered as he leaned in and softly took Garak’s lips with his own. The kiss was soft and gentle, though also timid as Julian himself had become. 

Elim lovingly tasted his Jahkim’s sweetness and for a moment deepened the kiss letting his tongue sweep in and enjoy the sweet moist depths of is love’s mouth, but then he broke the kiss. “I want nothing more than to love you forever, Jahkim, but you are still too weak for such things,” he stated softly. 

“But I need to feel you, Elim…please?” he replied, is voice still just above a whisper, but his eyes, his doe like eyes pleading to know how much he was loved. Garak could deny Julian nothing, now. He had given him his heart and soul, and though he knew Julian would not abuse it, he also could not turn down anything his love wanted; he only had to ask and it would be his. Garak did want to love his Jahkim but had tried to look out for his health, but his love’s spirit also wanted looking out for and wanted his touch…he would have it. 

Slowly he shifted from the chair he was sitting on to the bed and caressed his love’s soft golden cheek, “As my Jahkim wishes, he shall have,” Elim replied, his own words soft, loving, and also a solemn vow as he leaned in and kissed his love once more, gently reaching out and caressing his golden skin, along his neck and then slipping his arms around his love’s chest and gently pulling him closer. 

He then gently laid his love down on the bed and shifted his own body so he was lying next to his Jahkim so not to lean on his still frail body as he continued to kiss him and caress his skin. He would love his Jahkim, but he would still temper their love making until Julian was stronger. He felt Julian’s delicate fingers caress along his scales and his marveled at how good they felt. Had he not already been in love with Julian, that simple and loving touch would have been enough to send him there, it had been that special. 

Slowly he removed his own clothes and slipped under the covers, and then aided Julian in the removal of his nigh shirt, so their hot skin could touch. Julian’s skin was cool compared to another Cardassian’s but Elim loved the sensation, as well as how Julian felt, smelled and tasted. Until he met Julian Bashir, he never believed in love much less love at first sight or soul mates. But when he saw this dark beauty cross the promenade that fateful day, he was struck by lighting; though he didn’t know right away that it was love, he knew now that it was. He also knew this young man was his soul mate, for he was that what was missing from his own soul. Julian was compassion, love, caring, gentle, all the things he was not… until he met and loved Julian Bashir. 

The kiss deepened as his hands once more roamed the soft flesh under his touch and felt the still body come to life under his administration and this delighted him that he could please his love so. He moved his mouth down the slim jawline and to the soft succulent flesh of his lover’s neck and was even more aroused by the soft moan of pleasure that escaped Julian’s neck as he began to lick, suck, and nuzzle his way up and down his neck and along his shoulder. 

He then felt strong slim hands wrap around his chest pulling him closer and he could not resist as their bodies touched. “Oh, Elim!” Julian cried out, though is voice was still low, it was full of life. “Love me, Elim, please love me.” 

“Always, Jahkim, always,” Garak replied as he leaned up and saw the emotions that flickered in and out of his love’s dark eyes. “Know this, Jahkim. If you can love me and we both know that I have done more than you could ever consider, than know that you are more than worthy of happiness and joy my Beloved. Promise me you will always remember this,” he asked, needing Julian to do so in hopes it would provide his love streanght when the night demons returned, and they would return, but Julian didn’t have to stand against them alone if he knew in his heart he was loved and loveable. 

“I…I promise,” Julian replied, his eyes full of unshed tears. He could see as well as feel that Elim Garak loved him totally and completely. “And thank you, Elim, for loving me.” 

Garak wanted to cry, “No, thank you. For had I never met you my Jahkim, I would have gone throughout life never knowing love; never knowing the joy of completion I know when I am with you,” he whispered as he leaned in once more and kissed his love and again let his hands caress and explore the slim body beneath him. 

He aligned his hips with his love’s and let their passions touch and rocked them together, for it was all his love could handle at this moment, and they both lost themselves in the momentum of their union and let the ecstasy of their love wash over them like a title wave and wash away so much of the past so there would be room for a future together. Elim looked down at his love, who was now asleep from their love making and smiled, his own heart full of life. His Jahkim was healing and soon when he was strong enough he would take him away from this place and make a home for him where they would be safe and no one would ever harm his love again; or he would die trying. 

************

Ten months had passed and Julian had flourished under his care; though he would never be the same, for no man could be after all that abuse, but he was coming as close as he could to being the old, full of life, spirited man, Elim had known and loved and still loved. 

He had taken Julian off the station with Odo’s help to a little out of the way asteroid near the DMZ. Of course the fact that it was full of Maquis and Cardassian’s fighting didn’t help, but it wasn’t Federation territory and that kept Starfleet at bay. He also felt confident that he could keep himself and Julian hidden away from the war that was around them…he was wrong. 

Today he had to make a run to get supplies, for though their little asteroid had an atmosphere and was like a tiny planet, it didn’t grow anything, the soil was not rich in any minerals. In fact the only thing this place was good for was a place to hide and live in safety away from the world. Julian had protested, “I want to go with you, Elim. I haven’t been off this ‘rock’ since we got here nine months ago,” he stated, with just a bit of a pout. 

Elim had almost given in, but with the rumors of the Maquis and the Cardassian’s clashing even more and more, and now having Starfleet in the mix, since their treaty with Cardassian demanded it, Elim wouldn’t take any chance that something would happen to his Jahkim. “I love you, but it’s too dangerous,” he stated firmly. 

“Elim, not only was I a Starfleet officer, you have also shown me a few tricks that no one would suspect out of me, so I can take care of myself,” he countered. 

Garak didn’t like to do this, but Julian was forgetting things way too quickly, “Um, love…if that was true, you would not have almost gotten killed,” he stated as easily as he could. 

Julian just looked at him. //How can I tell him that it wasn’t because I couldn’t defend myself, but that I…I felt I deserved it,// he thought. He knew on some level Elim suspected his self loathing and over the many months had gone beyond the call of love and duty to rebuild it. He no longer felt he deserved ‘as much’ of the abuse he had gotten. No, that part of Julian was in the past. “Things were…different then,” he said, but he knew that unless he explained how, and he wouldn’t, he was staying put. He saw the look his love gave him…sighed, “Okay, I’ll make dinner…at least I can cook without you fussing,” he teased as he walked back toward the tiny kitchen in their tiny home. 

Elim had watched his love move off, his longer hair swaying at his shoulder blades. He had wished for a second that he didn’t have to go, for he would much rather take his love to their bed room or the kitchen table, but they were in need and there was a break in the fighting…he had to go. 

So when he landed, supplies stocking their tiny shuttle, compliments (unknowingly) of DS9 when they left, he was startled to see the larger shuttle near by and the numerous Cardassian troops that were now surrounding his home. Fear filled him, but he pulled his mask in place and exited the shuttle to become face to face with a pulse rifle. 

“This way,” the soldier stated coolly. 

Garak was led into his tiny house only to see Julian tied to a chair, his face swollen, and his lip bleeding. Standing next to him was Dukat, a shiver of anger and fear ran down his spine. Fear for Julian, anger for Dukat. 

“Ah, Garak,” Dukat smiled, though it was not a friendly look by any means. “So, this is where you and your genetic pet decided to go when you skulked off the station.” 

“What do you want, Dukat. There is nothing here for you. This place…”

“Is perfect for hiding my troops before launching a raid on one of the Maquis camps,” he stated evenly. “Finding you and…” he turned to Julian, “Your pet, was a surprise bonus,” he smirked. 

For the sake of Julian, he kept his temper in check, for he was beyond furious at Dukat for touching his love. “Fine, hide you troops, and just leave us alone,” he stated as evenly as he could. “We’re not interested in your war.” 

“Oh, I plan on using this place, but as far as you and your pet are concerned,” he grinned as he cast a dark leer at Julian, “Lets say I have plans on using them too,” he chuckled, as he reached out and caressed Julian’s face. 

Julian turned his face away, though he could not break the contact, it was the best protest he could manage. “Don’t touch me,” he growled. 

“Oh, pet. You better get use to being touched,” Dukat purred as his men chuckled. “For created in a tube or not, you are simply too pretty to ignore,” he stated as he grabbed Julian’s face and made him look at him. “My men could use a pretty whore like you.” 

“Don’t touch him!” Elim growled as he tried to charge Dukat, only to be stopped by the butt of a pulse riffle to the back of his head, sending him to his knees. 

Dukat was amused at Elim’s display, “What, you having feelings for your pet?” 

“He is not a pet, but a human being,” Garak growled, still on his knees. 

Dukat laughed, “Not according to them he isn’t,” he countered. Then he turned and kicked the chair so Julian fell back hard to the floor. 

“Jahkim!” Elim shouted instinctually, not realizing his mistake until it was too late. 

Dukat turned furious at Garak, “What?” his eyes narrowed, “You dare take….this…thing as a beloved? I knew you could sink low, Garak, but even I thought you knew better than that!” 

“Touch him, Dukat, and I swear I will hunt you down to the ends of the universe and kill you,” Elim vowed. 

Dukat’s face turned to a shade of light gray, for he was flushed with amusement, “Like that worries me, Garak,” he stated. “But what if I touch you?” he said as he moved toward Garak, the dark intent clear in his eye. 

“Then I will hunt you down and kill you,” Julian vowed, for his anger at being called a pet, a thing, and seeing his love being treated like this was becoming too much for his sensitive soul, that he either withdrew or he placed that soul somewhere else for the time being. 

Dukat laughed, holding his side as it ached from his laughing. “You…you are a mere pup, still wet behind the ears. Even if you did grow into the bitch you are, I still would not loose a ounce of sleep over a cowardly whore like you,” he said, then he sobered up. “You on the other hand, Garak,” he said as he moved toward his old enemy, “I would not care to lose even a once of sleep over, for I have done enough of that, ever since you killed my father.” He gestured for his guards to take hold of Garak and stand him up. “Watch, Elim,” he whispered in his ear, “Watch as I use your ‘Jahkim’” he growled darkly. He smirked as he saw Garak struggle against those who held him as Dukat moved toward Julian and ordered guards to untie him and hold him. 

Once they had Julian untied and standing, “Rip his close off,” he growled his eyes on Garak’s face as he made the order. Other guards, laughing, moved forward and received a hard kick from Julian, sending them to their knees. Dukat pulled a knife and handed it to a guard, “If he resists, kill this one,” he stated coolly. 

Seeing the knife at his love’s neck, all he could do was let his eyes plead with Elim to forgive him as he allowed the guards to strip him. 

“Let him go,” Dukat said, his tone dark and amused at the power he held over his prisoners. “Kneel,” he ordered Julian. 

Julian looked at him sharply, but he didn’t need to be told twice; he either listened or Garak would die…he dropped to his knees. 

“Crawl to me, my pet,” Dukat said, as his men laughed. 

Feeling the humiliation, he focused on the fact that he did what he did for Elim…no other reason. He no longer believed he deserved this, but he wouldn’t let anything happen to the man he loved, so he crawled forward, ignoring the comments Dukat’s men were making toward him. He stopped when he was in front of Dukat and he had a good idea of what was going to be asked of him, but he would wait until ordered to do so. 

“Come on, whore,” Dukat growled, as if he knew Julian understood what was wanted and wasn’t cooperating. “Take it out and suck it,” he ordered. 

“Don’t do it!” Elim shouted as he then felt the knife at his throat. 

Dukat looked at Garak and gave a wicked smirk, “Do it!” he growled at Julian, though his eyes never left his enemies. He felt the delicate fingers at his zipper and then the cool touch pulling out his member to be surprised by the warmth of the moist mouth. “Ooh, nice,” he hissed as he continued to look at Garak and watch his suffering as he watched his love suck him off. ‘Your pet’s mouth is quite…delightful,” he said as he was slowly allowing himself to enjoy the feeling of being given head. 

Julian did what he had to do and having ‘plenty’ of practice, whether willing or not, he knew how to send Dukat into orbit early and he would, for he wasn’t stupid. He knew Dukat was going to make him either suck or fuck the rest of his men and the sooner he got them all off the sooner they would back off and leave him and Garak the fuck alone. Dukat would get his rocks off and humiliate him and hurt Garak, but they could survive this and go somewhere else and start anew. So, this was his focus as he did what needed to be done. He was going to turn his head, but Dukat’s hands wrapped around his head keeping him put, he would have to swallow, and he did. He then felt firm hands on his face making him look up into grayish blue eyes. 

“You liked that didn’t you,” Dukat purred, for he had never been brought off so quickly and so well before. 

“No,” Julian replied, his own eyes hardening as he continued to look up at the man he despised. 

“Hmm, I think your lying,” he grinned. Then he turned to his men, “You’ve got to try it, his mouth is amazing, though his other end may be just as talented” he laughed as he moved to the kitchen to clean up, knowing Garak would watch his lover give head or more to all his guards. While in the kitchen Dukat surveyed it for some food and sat back and enjoyed the show. 

************

The days started off much the same; he’d be allowed to clean himself up and heal the injuries, and then he was forced to treat any problems or minor injuries Dukat’s men may have received in their moments of passion or in fighting one another in their boredom of waiting for the signal to attack the Maquis base. During this time he was taunted by all of them over and over again about his disgrace from Fleet and losing his practice. Some growled at him that he better not fuck things up or they would make him pay, and all he was doing was healing a simple cut…he started to hate what once he so enjoyed! 

It had been two weeks of hell, and Julian had once again withdrew, though solely to keep from provoking Dukat, who had taken up the habit of not only beating Elim if Julian even looked at him wrong, he would increase the number of men he had to ‘service’ that night, last night he had glared at the bastard after he hit Elim out of spite and thus the fifty men he was forced to attend to.

Julian was exhausted from having to give head to 25 Cardassian solders, and having been fucked by the other 25. Again, a part of him cursed his enhancements, for any other human would have not only have passed out long before now they would have died, as it was he laid panting, his body covered in sweat, dirt, and seamen of his abusers. He long since stopped looking at Elim from the first day of abuse that Dukat had been placing him through, for though he knew he was being forced and he didn’t deserve this, he knew Elim had to be disgusted with him for not putting up more of a fight…perhaps he was a whore after all?

“Sir, word has arrived, our contact stated that now would be the best time to strike,” one of the solders stated as he gave the report to Dukat who had sat and watch the show. 

Dukat took the report as he finished his meal, paying only partial attention to the ‘floorshow’ that had just ended and then stood up, “Well as amusing as today has been, I must go,” he smirked. He moved over to Garak and looked down at the freak whore, “I don’t care what you say, you liked that way too much,” he laughed. Then he looked at Garak, now bound and gagged; his face swollen from the beating he had received, “As I said from the beginning, I don’t intend to lose a once of sleep over you,” he stated coldly, and without hesitation he pulled from his belt and plunged a large dagger into Garak’s heart. 

“ELIM!” Julian shouted in horror as he watched his love’s eyes grow wide with surprise and then lifeless as he fell to the floor. “NO!” he cried as he moved to catch his falling lover’s body in his aching arms….Garak was dead. “YOU FUCKING BASTARD,” he roared at Dukat who was leaving out the front door, most of his men already gone. 

“Oh no, my…dear Doctor…oops, your not one anymore are you,” he quipped, “as if it matters. But as to you point, it is not ‘I’ who is fucked,” he sneered. “Oh, take a bath, I prefer my whores clean when I fuck them” as he slammed the door and left. 

“Elim,” Julian cried as he held his love’s dead body in his arms. “I’m sorry, Elim, I’m so sorry,” he cried, for he felt that if he had fought this might not have happened. His love was gone, his last bit of life gone in the blink of an eye. His trembling hand moved to the knife and pulled it out, his eyes staring at the blade, the desire to plunge it in his own chest was strong and he turned it toward him, but his vow returned to him. // “Touch him and ‘I’ will hunt you down and kill you!” // he had said. The last remnants of light in his soul squashed as it filled with darkness and one sole purpose…kill Dukat the man responsible for his love’s death. 

Dukat had taken the shuttle, but he did not really search the house. Julian, now calm…on the edge of being frozen emotionally, laid his love down on the ground and moved to the hidden radio they kept for emergencies. Though his body was hurt and he was bleeding, he pushed it all aside and took out the radio from its place and turned it to what he and Elim knew was one of the Maquis channels; though he would use every channel he could. He brought it with him to the bathroom so he could continue to broadcast the warning that Dukat and his men were on their way to attack one of their bases. It wasn’t much but at least it was a warning and perhaps someone would hear it. 

He washed himself in the sink as he continued to verbally broadcast the warning when a voice answered back, “Who is this?” a deep melodic voice replied on the Maquis band.

“Someone who’s life was just murdered by Dukat himself,” Julian replied coolly. “He just left here fifteen minutes ago heading toward one of the Maquis bases; I don’t know which. I do know he has two hundred men, a large Cardassian type three ship and a stolen Federation shuttle,” Julian replied, not sure if Dukat would use it or not; probably, it was the bastard’s style. “Also take note, you have a traitor amongst you, for he got word that it was time to attack from someone inside the camp he is attacking,” Julian stated. 

“Where are you?” the voice asked. 

Julian thought about it and realized he didn’t care if they knew, and gave the coordinates, “the rest is up to you,” he stated and closed the channel. He then jumped into a cold shower to wash off the rest of the filth left by Dukat’s men, then moved to heal himself as best he could with his medical kit. Then he moved into the bedroom, his heart cold, his soul frozen as he gathered some clothes in a bag, and dressed all in black; it fit his mood. 

He then gathered up all he would need to survive on this rock should it come to that and the radio, and placed it outback. He then moved in to where his love laid, and having gotten to understand his love’s culture he knew how best to send his love’s spirit to the otherside. He would wash him, change him and then…make the final preparations. 

****End of part Four*******


	5. Chapter 5

He started moving toward the tiny house, the place the call had come from; the call that saved hundreds of lives for this person had warned them of the surprise attack, though this person hadn’t known about the other ships, the warning gave them time to evacuate and he wanted to see if he could do anything for this person having heard that Dukat had killed someone this person had loved.

He approached the tiny porch and moved up the stairs, his men keeping watch. 

“I wouldn’t do that if I was you,” a cool even, accented voice said out of nowhere. 

He turned to see the source of that voice, surprised that anyone had gotten by his men. He was also surprised too see a lovely young man only five feet from him, though his eyes were cold and frozen; sadly he understood that all too well being in the same condition. “Why?” was all he said, for he was curious as to why he should not enter the building. 

“Because it’s rigged to blow who ever opens it strait to hell,” the voice stated evenly, not a trace of emotion. 

He stepped down, “you’re the one that contacted us,” he said, for he recognized the voice. 

“Yes,” the young man replied. 

“My name is Chakotay, you mind if I ask who you are?” 

“Na’Tori,” he said with ease. Julian was not surprised by fact that he had chosen a new identity so easily, or by the name he chose. He was somewhat stunned to realize that he now understood what he had misunderstood for so long. Na’Tori was Elim’s favorite character in Enigma tales and Julian never understood why. Na’Tori translated into innocents lost, but even then it didn’t help Julian understand why Elim liked this character so, for this man was an assassin, cold to the world around him and Julian couldn’t see why Elim was so taken with him. 

Garak had told him that Na’Tori was once a good but naïve young man that fell in love, but his love was brutally murdered before his eyes. The most honorable thing he could do to revenge his love was to kill all those that had partaken in his lover’s death and to do so he had to shed his innocent skin and walk in darkness and become one with the blade he would wield. It took time for Julian to understand that to Elim this was romantic, that to revenge one’s love was the ultimate sign of their union and it was also a guarantee that if done, the one lost would be allowed into Gulmora, to know peace for all their days until they could be united once again. 

Until the moment he held his own love in his arms he didn’t fully understand Na’Tori, but he did now and like the young youth, he would shed his innocent skin and walk in the darkness and become one with the blade he would now wield. 

“Ah, interesting name,” Chakotay said, for though he didn’t understand it’s meaning, he knew a Cardassian name when he heard it. But he also knew a human when he saw one (or so he thought) and this man before him was human. “So, who’s the trap for?” He asked as he stepped closer and felt a shiver go down his spine as he saw more ice form in the dark eyes he would have sworn held life at one time. But this too he had seen during the many months of battle and the death that surrounded him and his men. 

“Dukat.” He replied without hesitation. 

“You actually expect Dukat to come back?” he asked surprised, for it seemed unlikely. 

“Oh, he’ll come back,” Julian stated as he closed the gap and was now a foot away. “His arrogance won’t let him not, for he will figure out that somehow it was me that tipped you off and he will come looking for me; the only real question is, will he come down here himself or will he send his lackeys?” 

Chakotay could see the intelligence that this man had and was impressed, though he was a bit unsure about this stranger. “Do you want to be here when he does?” he asked, for he knew he didn’t. His crew was tired and they needed to find a new base. “For if not, I would be glad to give you a lift…that is if you want one. It’s the least I can do for saving us,” he stated evenly. 

Julian closed his eyes for a moment, and then looked at this stranger before him, “No, I don’t wish to remain here. The odds are that he will send others to do his bidding and that would leave me stranded here. No, I would like that ride, though,” he said with some thought, “if you could use another body in your fight, I might be of some use,” he stated. 

Chakotay sized the guy up before him, “Well, besides rigging up houses, what else can you do?” 

“What I cannot do I can learn,” he stated evenly. “Though I’ll tell you upfront, for I have no intentions of hiding it anymore, I’m genetically enhanced, which means I learn fast and have quick reflexes among other things. If you can tolerate that, I’ll work for your cause for free and offer you loyalty; if it means anything anymore,” he stated grimly. 

Chakotay was taken back by the confession and the anger, but he appreciated the honesty. He was from a world that, though they valued nature they also valued all life. They did not wish to fight, but they would to protect their home; but they also didn’t hold many of the prejudices that the rest of the quadrant held against genetically enhanced people. “I can’t speak for everyone, but it means something to me,” he replied honestly. “As for your enhancements…so long as you follow orders and are upfront with me, I’ll treat you as anyone else, for personally, you’re just a person as far as I’m concerned.” 

Had Julian been able to open his heart, those words would have touched him, but as it was now, they only skated off his frozen soul. “Very well,” he replied. “I’ll gather my stuff and we can be on our way,” he added and moved off. 

“You think it’s a wise idea to allow him to join?” A woman asked as she moved up to Chakotay. 

“Yes, Seksa, I do. Besides, we need all the man power we can get after Paris fucked up and got him and some of our men captured,” he growled. 

“Very well,” she replied, for she didn’t see any point in arguing over this one. Tom Paris, he was a threat to her, him and his good looks and his needy ways. Chakotay had a weakness for blonds and needy young man; this man though possessing similar good looks was ice and didn’t fit the bill, so he was not going to be a temptation for her lover as Pairs had been. . //Strange, he likes needy men and strong woman…// she mused to her self trying to understand the man she loved, even if she was here to do him in; she had found his beauty and streanght irresistible. //Once this Maquis thing is over with, I will take Chakotay for myself,// she mused, for she wouldn’t let them have him…he was all hers; her reward for all her sacrifices. 

She watched Na’Tori, //Innocents my ass,// she mused as she watched the young man move back with his stuff. He moved with unspoken peril to those who would cross him. Then the more she watched him and thought about the name, she wondered if he was a plant too, for it was not uncommon for the state to place more than one mole into action; of course this simply made her angry, for that would mean she would not receive full credit for the job ‘she’ was doing. But before taking action she needed to know who sent him and why, for if the wrong sort had sent him and she made the mistake of acting against him…? No, she would watch and send word back to find out…then she would deal with him if need be. 

***********

Over the next seven months that he spent with Chakotay and the Maquis, Julian had changed even more. He had lengthened his hair to his waist, as well as grown a beard and trimmed it to a full goatee; it gave him a sinister look, or so several people had made mentioned, though not to him directly; he rarely socialized, and it pleased him, for he not only didn’t want to make friends, he wanted people to be afraid of him, this way they kept their distance in the first place. 

He did everything he was bided to do by Chakotay from working on engines with B’Elanna, who didn’t faze him a bit, to flying the Crazyhorse. The only thing he would not do was work in the infirmary and no matter how many times he was ask, he would not say why, simply that he wouldn’t do it…end of story. 

Chakotay took all this in stride, for most of his crew had quirks of one sort or another and all from being abused in some way by the Cardassians, so he never pushed Na’Tori or Tori, as he called him, for when push came to shove, Tori had proven himself over and over again to be just what he said…loyal to Chakotay and in an odd sort of way, he trusted Tori more than anyone else around him, including his lover Seska; not that he trusted her as much as she would like, but he placed those insecurities down as a result of the war and her temper. 

So when Tori came to him and told him that when they went to DS9 that he was going to murder Dukat and the last remnants of Dukat’s crew that killed his love, he was stunned, but not totally surprised. He knew Dukat had murdered someone he loved, but Na’Tori wouldn’t talk about it and he didn’t have time to push it, not that he would, for war time was no time for opening deep wounds such as this young man sported. He was glad that Tori had warned him of his actions for something like this would cause a great deal of problems had it came up suddenly. 

“Are you sure this is something you want to do? I mean, killing him in cold blood?” he asked, for though this was war, his opponents had always been able to fight back. What Tori wanted to do was murder straight out, and as much as he didn’t agree with the method, he wanted Dukat dead just as much for the death of his father. 

“Yes,” Tori stated coolly, sounding more like one of his other officers, Tuvok a Vulcan. “My rigging had killed many of the ones responsible for my Jahkim’s death, but not all not the main one, Dukat was unharmed…he must die in order for my love to find peace in Gulmora.” He stated evenly. 

Chakotay didn’t know what surprised him more, the fact that Tori was telling him a bit of what happened or the fact that his lover was of Cardassian lineage. For though Chakotay didn’t know much, he did know that Gulmora was the heaven of the Cardassian people; “Your lover was…?” 

“Cardassian, yes,” Tori (Julian) stated flatly. “Though he had been exiled many years prior to the difficulties here in the DMZ,” he finished. “I loved him; he loved me; until Dukat murdered him…for this he must pay.” 

Chakotay sat pondering the enigma called Na’Tori, though he didn’t believe for a second that was his real name, he didn’t push that issue either. Many people had things to hide, especially during a war, and by the ice he saw in the eyes before him, this young man had his share too. “What if you get caught?” he asked, knowing it was a possibility. 

“I won’t,” he stated flatly. “However, to ease your mind, should I be caught I have no intentions of betraying ‘you’ Captain,” he stated in another personal vow; for Chakotay had proven himself to be another exception to the rule and though his soul was frozen, his sense of honor, such as it was now, was still in-tack. In fact, it was one of the few things that kept him from going all the way over the edge into the pits of hell. 

“Well, I don’t condone murder…” 

“But you will not stop me, for you wish to see him dead too,” Tori stated, for he had heard of Kolopack’s death at Dukat’s hand as well. “Then I shall make sure he understands that it is not solely for my Jahkim that he dies,” Tori (Julian) added with a brisk nod and turned to leave. 

“Tori,” Chakotay called out. He watched the young man turn and face him, “Make sure this is what you want to do, for once done, there is no going back,” he stated, for he had seen how killing a person changed people and he wasn’t sure if this young soul could take much more, regardless of the cold exterior he projected. 

“I will,” Tori replied, feeling a slight wave of warmth from the concern, but pushed it aside, he had a job to do and he needed to be focused. “Thank you, Captain.” 

“Your welcome, Tori,” he said and watched the young beautiful and damaged soul leave. With a heavy sigh he made his way to the bridge, for they were going to be sneaking onto DS9 for supplies and was sure they would be making a much needed fast getaway when all hell broke out. 

*************  
Seska was to meet with Dukat briefly; she didn’t like these meetings for it was too risky, but he held too much power to deny him, so she was now currently walking the halls as any other Bajoran to Quarks where they would make quick eye contact and the location of their meeting revealed to her. She was hoping that Dukat was going to provide her information on Na’Tori, for the more she watched him, the more she was convinced he was one of them, he was too cold and calculated; for she never for one moment thought of herself as a walking temper. She simply needed to know who he worked for before approaching him to discover what his orders were and so long as they didn’t affect her plans for the human Chakotay she might even help him. 

She took a seat at the bar and rattled off her order of spring wine, a Bajoran favorite, and she hated it, but it was typical of her role and so did so. She spotted Dukat toward the back and waited, scanning the area, taking in everything as she had been trained to do. She had almost missed his entrance it was so subtle. Na’Tori, wearing a dark green hooded cloak, the hood up, blended in nicely with all the other patrons, for it was the Bajoran Harvest Festival and Greens and dark greens were all the rage at this time, and thus another reason so many people were crowding Quarks, regardless if Dukat was here; in fact in spite of him really. 

She only knew it was him because of months of watching him, his movement precise and graceful, he never wasted a step to get anywhere, nor did he stumble through the crowd; he moved like the wind alone in an open field. It took her a moment before she realized he was heading straight for Dukat, //Fool?// she mused, wondering how he could so blatantly think no one would take notice of him in such a crowded place, but then she saw that besides her, no one was paying him any mind what so ever. 

Seska watched him move through the crowd right up to Dukat’s table, and because of morbid curiosity she moved too, wanting to get as much of this exchange as possible. She couldn’t hear what was being said, too much noise, but it was obvious that Dukat didn’t recognize the person before him, even as he shifted back his hood, revealing his dark features. Some more words were exchanged and she then saw Dukat’s eyes go wide, and then started to laugh with disbelief…but it didn’t last long. Quickly and smoothly, almost undetectable for it was so fast, a needle size blade sprang forth from Na’Tori’s fingers like a dart into Dukat’s chest, and then Dukat only stared at this man with disbelief. A few more words were exchanged as Na’Tori quickly removed Dukat’s communication device and tossed it on the ground so no one really took notice. It was then she processed the fact that she was witnessing Dukat’s assassination…here in Quarks and no one…no one but her, was taking any notice of it! 

Na’Tori turned swiftly and moved through the crowd as Dukat tried to stand, but his body seemed to be in pain and partially paralyzed. Taking the risk she ran to his side, “Who was that?” she demanded, as she grabbed Dukat. But he could not speak very well as blood flowed from his lips. //Shit!// she thought, she couldn’t get caught up in this and pushed him back in his chair and dashed out as fast as possible, the commotion of someone shouting for help…they had discovered the body! 

She tried to recall the method, in which the young assassin had taken down Dukat, but it was something she had never seen before, and this made her wearier of him. Either he worked on is own, and that would make him a danger to her cause, or he worked for someone more powerful than Dukat, //The Order?// she pondered as she dashed back to the illegally docked Crazyhorse in time to make a quick get away. 

**********

“So, tell me, Tom, do you know anything about this man?” Janeway asked as she showed a photo of a tall lanky male, his face partially covered, showing he had golden skin, and some facial hair, but not much more could be seen; it was obviously from a security camera.

Tom Paris nodded his head no, “Nope, never seen him, why?” 

“With a lot of doing, we’ve been able to discover that his name is Na’Tori, though we suspect it is not his real name, and that he is the one responsible for the murder of Leget Dukat on DS9 last week, along with half a dozen other Cardassian soldiers that were with Dukat at the time,” she stated evenly. 

Tom blinked at her as if this should matter to him, “So, the Maquis scored a few points? I don’t know him, I was only with the Maquis for a few weeks, hardly enough time to get buddy-buddy with anyone, //That mattered, // he thought to himself. “You asked me to point out a few possible locations in the Badlands where Chakotay and his crew could be hiding out, I’ve told you what I know,” //or what little I’m going too!// 

“Very well, Mr. Paris,” she stated evenly. She didn’t really need him; her informant Tuvok had given her enough information to find them. Tom was simply here to give the poor young man a break from prison. She was a friend of his Father’s and couldn’t stand the thought of the young blond she had babysat at one time being locked up, even if he did do something as foolish as fly for the Maquis. This way, she might be able to negotiate a lesser sentence for him and get him to a minimum security prison instead…or so she hoped. 

Just then her com badge chirped, “Go ahead.” 

“Captain, were picking up a ship that fits the description of the Crazyhorse,” the young fresh voice of her new Ensign stated. 

“What?” Tom asked, almost stunned out of his socks, for they were not suppose to find Chakotay. 

Janeway ignored the obviously slip of concern, “Inform Commander Cavit to take us in,” she ordered, for it was time to wrap this mission up and get home to Mark and her dogs, one was soon to have puppies and she so dearly wanted to be there for when it happened…

She would never make it. 

******End of Part Five*********


	6. Chapter 6

Having retrieved their lost crewmembers, and witnessing the sacrifice of the Crazyhourse, so the Kazon could not take advantage of the Caretaker’s array, the two crews were now on board Voyager, both having suffered major casualties, mostly Voyager in crew and a ship among the Maquis. 

The Captain of the Crazyhorse, Captain Chakotay, a handsome rugged fellow that blew her away with his act of selflessness and his intelligence, now stood before her, fully aware that he and his crew was at her mercy, and waited. 

“We’re seventy-five thousand light years from the Alpha quadrant, neither one of our crews have what it takes to make it home on their own, but perhaps…?”

“You’re proposing we try and work together?” he asked, seeing where she was coming from, for it was the only viable solution. 

“Yes. Of course with your Starfleet background and being the incharge of the Maquis…” she purposely didn’t say captain. “I’d like you to consider being my First Officer.”

“So, you think that if we merge we should use Starfleet regulations?” he challenged. “Only a handful of my crew has been in StarFleet and like me they have no desire to go back. As to the rest, it is beyond unreasonable to force them to follow rules and regulations they don’t believe in; however…” 

She was afraid he was going to turn her down flat, but the however gave her hope and she nodded for him to continue. 

“If you are willing to be more…lenient, with my crew, I might be able to convince them into cooperating in merging the two crews, for it would be best to only have one…form of authority on board, even if it is, StarFleet.” 

Janeway gave a small smile, for she could see this man could negotiate a starving lion not to eat him if he chose too. “Just…how lenient?” 

“Besides the fact that many of my crew have never been apart of StarFleet, as I have said, and would not know or be able to easily conform to the rules and regulations, I have a few…special request in order to see that ‘all’ my crew are taken care of and treated equally and fairly.” 

“Such as?” 

“That no Maquis is to be disciplined for anything beyond their current actions as of today; that means no holding their past against them. If you can do this, we have a chance, if not, you might as well toss us all in the brig right now and throw away the key, for this point is non-negotiable,” Chakotay stated, for he was no fool. His crew was wanted as traitors and Tori for murder of Dukat and his men and the solemn young man, that had slowly wheedled his way into Chakotay’s heart, even if he wasn’t trying, was genetically enhanced, thus making him an illegal life form and they were band on StarFleet vessels. Chakotay thought about mentioning it openly, for Tori said he wouldn’t hide anymore, but now was not the time. He didn’t like manipulating like this, but he would protect his crew and Tori at all cost. 

Kathryn Janeway eyed the man that would have to become her First Officer if this was going to work carefully. She didn’t understand all his reasoning for this request, but she had a very good guess. “I can agree to that for all except the one calling himself Na’Tori. He’s wanted for the murder of…”

“Dukat murdered my father and his lover in cold blood!” Chakotay spouted, not going to let her think that she could pass judgment over the young man. “If your going to toss anyone if the brig for that bastard’s death, it’ll be me, I ordered him to do it,” he lied. 

She had anticipated some difficulty here, but seeing the fire in Chakotay’s eyes, she knew she would have to lose this battle if she was going to win the war and that was to get everyone home. But she wasn’t going down easily, “He’s a cold blooded killer,” she snapped. 

“No more than the rest of us,” Chakotay quipped. “He may come off like a Vulcan, but I’d trust him with my life and have. I’ll take ‘full’ responsibility for him. It’s all my crew, Captain or none of them…your choice.” 

//He knows I’m in a corner here, damn him.// she thought. “Very well, all of them, as of this moment will not face any discipline, by ‘me’ for crimes of their past, will that suffice?”

“I’d like it in writing if you don’t mind?” he asked coolly. 

She narrowed her eyes, letting him know he was pushing it. “Agreed. Now, I need a concession from you…Tom Paris.”

“What about that traitor?” Chakotay growled.

“For your information, he may have been on this ship but it was not him that showed us to your door step. I believe you realize by now it was Tuvok that did that. I…never mind. Tom didn’t betray you, in fact, he was stunned beyond belief when he realized we did find you,” she smirked. “He thought he was leading us on a wild goose-chase. All I’m asking is that no harm comes to him, for I know how the Maquis feel and even if it isn’t true, they might hurt him.”

Chakotay sat back, taking the information in. He was angry seeing the beautiful blond on the bridge of Voyager and again in the Ocompa caves, and regardless of what he told Tom, he did owe the young man a debt. “I promise, no harm will come to him via the Maquis,” he stated truthfully. 

“Good, for I’m gong to commission him as our new pilot, and here is a list of other positions that need filling, I’d like your input here since you know your crew better than I would in assigning them duties on board….

***********

Sixteen weeks later and things were not smooth, but tolerable as everyone tried to adjust to their new situation, and the command structure they now had to follow. It didn’t help that Seska had been discovered to be a Cardassian spy and killed in the attempt to escape, this sent every one of the Maquis into a depression, everyone but Na’Tori, he remained the same unemotional person as ever, only showing any sign of life when around Chakotay; even Vorik and Tuvok were uncomfortable around him. 

“Commander, I need to speak with you a moment,” Janeway asked as she walked on the bridge, and headed to her ready room. She walked into her office and straight up to the replicator and turned to see Chakotay enter, “Tea?” she asked, for she learned early that outside the morning cup, her First Officer was a teetotaler, //such a contrast to the warrior you first met,// she mused warmly.

“Thank you, Captain,” Chakotay replied, for if she was offering a drink, it wasn’t a bad thing. He accepted his tea and sat down, “What can I do for you, Captain?” he smiled easily, having come to like this woman, even if he still had a few trust issues to work out with her. 

“As First Officer, it’s your job to handle the crew if they are not following regulations, and,” she smiled, so he knew he was not receiving a reprimand of any kind, “One of the crew is refusing to follow regulations and it was brought to my attention. 

Chakotay arched a brow, “why you and not me?” 

“Perhaps because the EMH is still adjusting to his programming and thought it best to come to me, I think,” she replied unsure. “Anyway, regulations state that ‘all’ members of the crew are to have a thorough physical and…” 

“Ah, this is about Tori, isn’t it?” Chakotay stated, for he was well aware of the young man’s quirk about avoiding sickbay. Tori told him that unless the EMH was looking for it, they would not detect his enhancements, so it had to be his affinity against the location. 

Janeway smiled, for she knew Chakotay would know, he seem to be on top of everything and constantly found it a shame that he was Maquis. //One of these day’s your going to forget that little part,// she told herself, and was quite taken with the response of //I hope so.// “Yes, Na’Tori is flatly refusing his physical, to the point of daring us to toss him the brig.”

Chakotay looked at Kathryn with disbelief, for Tori never showed much of any emotion whatsoever, this would be something new. “He dared you to toss him in the brig?” 

“Well, he didn’t quite put it that way, he just said, no…to me.” 

//Not good,// Chakotay thought, for it would not bold well for Tori to tell the Captain no, they were just starting to bond as a crew and the Maquis could take this as a sign that it was okay to break the command structure. “I’ll talk to him,” he stated immediately. “But for the record, he does have this…quirk about sickbay. Even on the Crazyhorse he would never go there. Perhaps…?”

“The EMH is limited on where he can go, Commander, otherwise I would have sent him after Crewman Tori awhile ago. I’m afraid he’ll have to report by the end of the day or I will have to confine him to quarters. I’m trying to be fair about this…”

“You’re being very reasonable, thank you. I’ll talk to him,” Chakotay stated, not wanting any problems to arise. 

“Thank you, I knew I could count on you,” she replied truthfully, “I’ll take the bridge, you see what you can do here,” she said as he got up and headed out, her coffee cup empty on her desk. 

Chakotay took her cup and placed it in the replicator to be recycled. “Chakotay to Tori,” he stated over his com badge. 

“Yes, sir,” came the crisp accented voice. 

“Please report to my office,” he stated easily, “I need to talk with you.”

“Yes, sir,” and the channel was closed, and he headed out to his office. 

***********

Lieutenant Tom Paris sat happily behind the helm of Voyager, still trying to believe his luck. From being a disgrace to a Federation traitor, to…well, some of the Maquis still didn’t believe he didn’t betray them, to chief pilot. For Tom this was a break and he planned on making the best of it. 

Life wasn’t perfect, he still had his hands full with the crew, but little by little he was making headway, and Harry Kim was proving to be the best thing since warp drive in the friend department. The only thing that could make his life a slice of heaven was if he could get the gorgeous First Officer to see him as a person and not some fuck up. He had fallen hard for the Maquis Captian the moment he saw him and if it wasn’t for that bitch Seska, things might have been very different. 

He took note as the big man exited the Captain’s ready room and crossed down to her and heard them speak. 

“I have Crewman Tori reporting to my office, I’m sure we can easily clear this up,” he stated and then headed to his office. 

//Crewman Tori?// Tom mused, for that was the one Janeway had asked him about sixteen weeks ago, and though the man was on board, he had never laid eyes on him, and curiosity was getting the best of him; word on him was that he was such a cold fish he made a Vulcan look loveable. That gave him the shivers, especially having taken the time to read the report the Captain had left on the table that day they encountered the Crazyhorse. The man calling himself Na’Tori, had simply walked into Quarks bar, and managed to inject a thin needle like blade into Dukat’s heart, laced with a fast acting poison that had no antidote, and walk out again before the body even hit the floor. He also was sort of spotted, only the cloak he wore, walking away from the docking bay as the ship Dukat’s men were on imploded, killing them and leaving the station unharmed…the man was good at his job. 

The sound of the turbolift door opening drew his attention and he had to get a look at the mysterious Na’Tori. He shifted in his seat and looked over his shoulder and suddenly found himself staring at the second most beautiful man he ever laid eyes on. Unlike Chakotay he was slim build, as tall as he was, and had his build, but his dark hair and features called to him; he even wasn’t put off by the aloofness of the man as he walked by everyone and entered Chakotay’s office. Tom swallowed hard, then quickly turned back to the helm before getting a reprimand for not doing his job, but even as he faced the screen, his vision was fogging up with the thought of the two sexy men in that office alone, and his mind ran wild with it! The fact that Tori may have looked a bit familiar didn’t even enter is mind. 

************

“You wanted to see me, sir?” Tori (Julian) asked, as he stood properly at attention before ‘his’ Commanding officer. 

Chakotay turned to see the posture, and not for the first time wondered if Tori had served in Fleet, but he had never bothered to ask, whereas others had told him from the beginning. He gestured for the young man to have a seat, “Relax, Tori,” he replied easily. //He is too uptight for his own good,// he thought as he moved to offer him some tea, Tarlikian extra sweet. “Look before now, things were crazy, not saying they’ve improved much, but we do have time to breath and this being the case, I’ve been meaning to have a talk with you,” Chakotay said as he took a seat. 

Tori also took a seat and sipped his tea, waiting to find out the subject of discussion. 

“Tori…” he sighed, wishing he knew how better to proceed with this, for he knew he was the only one this young man gave any real response too and the last thing he wanted to do was alienate him. “Do you think that perhaps, you might be able to…talk to me…about what happened to you?” he asked as cautiously as possible. 

“Why? What I was and what I am are no longer the same and therefor no longer matters,” he replied evenly, his dark eyes taking in the man before him. Chakotay appeared to be an enigma, like himself, to others, but for Julian, he was an open book, one in which a tiny part of him was starting to want to know, but the dark side of him rejected that such a kind and loving soul would want anything to do with the likes of him, especially if he ever learned the truth. 

Chakotay sighed, he thought as much that Tori wouldn’t open up to him, but he had to try. “Well, I hope that you know that I consider you a friend and if you ever do need to talk, or simply want some company…you spend way too much time alone,” he stated, giving one of his best smiles in hopes to ease the stiff young man. Seeing a slight spark in the impossibly deep dark eyes before him gave him hope. 

“Most of the crew is not comfortable around me, nor I them. Eventually if I did start to ‘hangout’ with them, they would take notice of me and it would lead to the discovery of my enhancements, even if I do not hide them, I respect your wishes on the matter, and they have simply been taken for granted…at the moment.” 

“Tori, you get any more uptight and you’re going to explode,” Chakotay finally spouted out from concern. “You need to relax, and if I have to I’ll make that an order,” he stated, his lip curled up in a slight smile. “But I’m hoping I don’t have to. Why don’t we go hiking tomorrow in the holodeck, we can walk, and if you want to…talk, what do you say?” 

Julian/Tori arched a brow like a Vulcan, but for the first time felt some warmth inside him as he saw the spark of friendship in the soft dark eyes looking back at him. He reminded himself that Chakotay wouldn’t think much of him if he knew, but the man knew more than most; that he was genetically enhanced, that he killed…murdered Dukat, and still he was offering the olive branch. He gave an internal sigh, and for once didn’t listen to the voice, “I…I would like that,” he stated evenly, though he found himself suddenly anticipating the time with the handsome First officer. //Don’t go there Julian,// he warned himself, when he realized he was finding Chakotay attractive. 

“Great! How about we meet at the mess hall at noon, right after your physical and we can head to the holodeck from there,” Chakotay stated smoothly. 

“Physical?” //Smooth, Chakotay, very smooth,// he mused, actually taken with his commanding officer’s tactics. 

“Yes, Tori, it’s regulations. I tried to get you out of it...but…? Please, don’t fight me on this one; I understand that you don’t…”

Julian’s eyes went black from anger, “No, you don’t understand a thing!” he snapped. Even if he did admire Chakotay tactics, he swore he would not set foot into an infirmary again, until it was his, and that was never going to happen…so... “No!” he stated as he stood up daring Chakotay to push it. 

Tori’s emotional response was new, but not unexpected by Chakotay. “Tori, please…?”

“No. I will never set foot in there, so either accept it or escort me to the brig. If you try and force me, I’ll fight…I will never set foot in a sickbay again,” he growled. 

“Why?” Chakotay finally asked, for now was the time to examine the wounds of war and he hoped he could provide the healing that was needed, as so many of his crew had needed. “Please, Tori, I want to understand. I swear, whatever is said in here stays between us. I think by now I’ve shown you that you can trust me…please?” Chakotay implored, for he saw the pain underneath all the anger and he so desperately wanted to help; along with the need to take this young man into his arms and hold him…kiss him… //Hold it right there, he’s a friend in need, he doesn’t need to be taken advantage of,// he chided mentally and refocused his efforts. 

Julian was torn, for he trusted Chakotay, in fact he was the only one he trusted on board, though there could be another, but he avoided him as much as possible; he wasn’t ready to face him or the truth that would come out…yet. But he knew, it would, and who best to try it out on then the only one he hoped would truly stand in his corner. If Chakotay didn’t…then he would leave, it wouldn’t matter where. Slowly he sat down, his eyes growing distant as all the memories returned to him. 

Chakotay saw the ice was thawing in the soul before him. To make sure he was undisturbed he keyed in the privacy lock that included all unessential calls. “You can trust me, Tori,” he repeated softly. 

“Julian,” he said, then looked up to see that Chakotay either didn’t hear him or understand. “Julian. My name is Julian Bashir,” he stated, thinking that this alone should be enough to get the ball rolling. 

Chakotay gave him a warm smile, “Well, it’s good to finally meet you, Julian” he said easily as he sat back, no sign that this name held any meaning for him. 

//Is it possible that he doesn’t know?// Julian thought for a moment. “That name doesn’t ring any bells?” he asked, puzzled by Chakotay’s lack of reaction. 

“If you mean, have I heard of the trial of Doctor Julian Bashir, yes, I have. I thought it was a crock then and I still think so,” Chakotay replied with conviction. “Though we did meet briefly, but I never saw your face, it was covered by a surgical mask, and me…I think I had a ton of dirt on me, after the collapse of the Arrion mine incident on Calldron; you saved my life; I never got a chance to thank you for that, by the way. Thank you.” 

It was Julian’s turn to sit back, but he was stunned, for not only did Chakotay know of him, but was on his side in the matter, and was actually thanking him for his work. Then he snapped out of it. “Well, that was how things began…down hill. I went to prison, got raped repeatedly until my release. Then having no where to go, I tried to find work, but for some damn reason the fucking Romulans though I had information that would be useful…they were wrong on several levels. One, I knew nothing, and two; I was more than capable of keeping their damn mind probes at bay. Finally I escaped and with no money and no way of earning it, I did the one thing I had practice at…I whored myself,” he stated, for it was like the flood gates had been opened and he couldn’t stop talking now even if he wanted too, which he didn’t. 

“Of course that got to be a hazard, and after months of being beaten, and raped…for money, which barely bought me a meal, I decided to go crawling back to the one man that showed me any kindness after the truth came out, but was jumped on my way there, since I had stowed away.”

“You lover, that got killed?” Chakotay asked softly. 

“Yes,” though he was talking, he would not mention Elim’s name, for he was aware that Elim had a back ground and now was not the time to deal with it. “He helped me, and even took me away and cared for me. He showed me that I still mattered as a human being,” Julian added, as long over due tears started to fall down his face, then he pulled them back, he was not that ready to release all the pain, for it was too much. “Anyway, you know the rest,” he stated, pulling the mask back in place. “So, as for refusing, I swore I would not set foot into an Infirmary ever again…and I won’t. I was a CMO; I have no intentions of ever being anyone’s lackey especially in there with that thing!”

Chakotay knew this was a personal thing and now knowing who this young man was and having a tad of an idea of what he had gone through, he started to believe he even understood him, as he gently got up from his seat and moved around the desk, not even thinking or hesitating in his action, he lifted Julian up and into his arms and held him tightly.

Julian didn’t want to let go of all the pain and anger and hatred, but it was hard not to with such tender and strong arms around him. He wanted this so very much and had denied it for he couldn’t bare to face what he had become, but now he could not bare to push this away and hugged Chakotay back for all his worth.

“I don’t know how, but it’ll be okay, Julian,” he whispered, easily taking up the young man’s given name, which fit him so much more than the false one did. Tori was cold and calculated for the sake of survival, but Julian…he could feel the love and compassion buried deep for so long, aching to come out, just lacking a way and fearing the appraisal in doing so. Every instinct within him screamed at him to protect this fragile soul. He didn’t care what Tori had done, Julian was the one that needed him, Julian was the one calling out to him; even from the first moment they met, even if he didn’t know it. Julian was the one he wanted in his arms and not let go, though he would not deny Tori either, for like the young man, he too had his dark side and Julian/Tori had seen it and didn’t shy from him when it counted, he would do no less. 

“I…I can’t go in there,” he stated in a whisper, trying hard not to break down into tears. 

“I’ll take care of it, trust me,” he replied, knowing he would. He relaxed his hold though didn’t let go as he looked into the face of the young man he held and saw the ice melting and was touched by all the life that was hiding back there; he smiled warmly and couldn’t resist, even if he had said he wouldn’t, he leaned in and kissed Julian’s sweet lips, offering all his streanght to him and so much more if Julian wanted it. 

Julian melted under the gentle ministrations of Chakotay’s lips, and a soft whimper of need escaped their kiss. He didn’t think he could ever feel this way again, but here an now all he could think of was this strong beautiful man holding him, loving him. He gave a moan of disappointment when the kiss ended, he wanted more. 

Chakotay was expecting an exciting kiss, but what he got blew his mind away, for Julian’s lips were like fire and ice, tantalizing every nerve in his body, setting them a fire, and chilling them with anticipation and all this from a single kiss. He swallowed hard. “If I don’t stop now, we’ll never get out of here and we both happen to be on duty,” he mumbled, trying to keep his thoughts together, but he was hard as a rock and thinking was a chore. 

Julian didn’t care about duty, only the man before him, his dark eyes locked with the fiery black of ‘his’ Captain and saw the need that matched his own, and without a word, he set into motion taking Chakotay’s lips once more with a determination he had never felt before. “I want you,” he whispered in Chakotay’s ear as he now licked and nipped at it. 

He might have been able to push Julian back from the kiss and even the lick and nibbles on his ear, but that voice…that sexy voice telling him that he desired him was too much for even him to resist. He took Julian into his arms and kissed him soundly, his hands roaming all over the slender muscular body in his arms. 

“Tell me what you want, Tay,” Julian asked in between kisses. 

“No, let me…” Chakotay tried to say, but soft fingers on his lips stopped him. 

“Tonight, if you want, but now, let me…please, I want to so very badly” he implored. “I want to please you, Tay, more than anything, please, let me, please you?” 

Through Julian’s own confession he knew he had had sexual difficulties in his past and there for wanted to make love to the young man and hopefully erase them, but seeing the need, the desire in those doe like eyes, that no longer radiated coldness, but compassion and warmth for him, he knew he would do anything Julian wanted. “What would please me is to see you happy,” he replied honestly. 

“Then let me,” Julian said in a sexy purr, forcing any and all bad memories aside, for he would not let them interfere with this…it was too important; Chakotay was too important, and he knew it and was not afraid of it. 

Slowly he kissed his way down the soft pliable skin of Chakotay’s neck while his hands undid the fasteners to Chakotay’s pants, then snaking in his fingers to rub the large bulge he felt growing and moaned with anticipation. He slid down to his knees and in one swift move, freed Chakotay’s large cock and engulfed it eagerly and started sucking on it like it was the essence of life itself, which to him it was. 

“Oh, baby, yes,” Chakotay moaned, for it felt so good, as Julian showed just how talented his mouth was. He wrapped his hands into soft dark curls and tried to resist pumping in and out of that mouth, but it was becoming impossible, it felt so damn hot and he wanted it! “More, baby, please,” he begged, for he didn’t want to force anything onto his new lover. //Spirits, I wasn’t going to do this…but I couldn’t resist…don’t want to resist him, // his mind cried out. 

“OH MY SWEET JEWEL,” Chakotay cried out as Julian deep throated him and sped up his pace. At this rate he would be coming any moment. “Baby, I’m going to…I’m…I’m…”

“Come for me, Tay,” Julian ordered and then sucked deeply once more, and felt his Tay’s essence explode in his mouth and he drank ever drop. When he was done, he licked him clean, then tucked him in and stood up and kissed his Tay deeply. 

“Oh, that was…wonderful,” Chakotay said dazed, then realized that Julian still had a need, and palmed the hard rock he found between his lover’s legs, “But I think we forgot something,” he grinned and kissed Julian senseless as he lowered the zipper and reached in and palmed the hard erection in his strong hand and started pumping it. “Does that feel good, baby?” he asked softly in his lover’s ear as he licked and nibbled on it. He then looked into his Jewels face and was transfixed by his beauty; his eyes half hooded, black with desire, his lips swollen from being kiss, his face glowing with the sweat of passion and his talented mouth slightly parted, panting for breath as his body was building in ecstasy all from his touch. “That’s it, baby, come for me, come hard,” he said, his voice purring in his love’s ear. “show me how much you like this,” he stated, then felt the warm sticky fluid of Julian’s cum in his hand as he drank his cry with his own lips as he covered his mouth when it opened to scream in delight, and held his Jewel to him tightly as the trembling of his slim body eased, then held him tightly, simply because he didn’t want to let him go. 

After holding Julian in his arms without a word, he gently sat him down in the chair, for he could feel that Julian was still unbalanced, it had been a huge tension release for the young man and he was still coming down from it all; as he moved to get a warm cloth and a towel, as well as a couple of cold drinks. He then tended to his lover tenderly, “Better?” he asked warmly. 

Julian looked into deep soft brown eyes and knew…he knew he couldn’t avoid it…he was falling. “Yes,” he breathed with a smile. 

Chakotay was so taken with that smile that he vowed to do everything in his power to bring it out more often. “Good. So, how about a date?” he joked, and was rewarded with that smile once more. “Say tonight, my cabin…I’ll cook, 18:00hrs” 

All Julian could do was nod yes and smile. 

“Great. Oh,’ Chakotay said, his look turning a bit serious, “Should I keep calling you Tori?” 

Julian was touched by Tay’s concern and foresight, “I…I would prefer it; I’m not ready to…come out of the closet,” he teased lightly, a huge step for him, but he felt he just leaped a chasm the size of the Alpha Quadrant and to his surprise, Chakotay caught him and it felt…great! “Though they’ll probably find out sooner or later,” he stated. 

“Not from me they won’t, not until you’re ready.”

“Thank you, Tay,” Julian replied, taking his lover’s hand, and fought back the emotions, he had just experienced more than his share for today. “But there is another on board that knows about me, though I don’t think he’s recognized me yet; I’ve stayed away as much as possible.”

“Who?”

“Tom Paris; we were…friends, briefly before I…” he sighed “I dumped him; for we were getting too close and I was too afraid of his Father getting involved for he didn’t care for anyone his ‘little’ boy dated, and I had too much to risk. It was totally unfair to Tom; he was not the brat everyone made him out to be. I…” he looked away guilty. “I don’t know how to face him as it is, much less how things have changed for me; but sooner or later he’ll see me and even if I’ve changed my appearance somewhat things will click.” 

“Do you want me to talk with him?”

“No, I…I have to face him,” he sighed, releasing some more tension and yawned. “I owe him that much. But you might want to think of how you’re going to handle the Captain when she finds out; she’s a traditionalist and I’m high on their hit list, if you know what I mean.”

“I do and I am ready,” Chakotay stated truthfully, for he had long since day one on Voyager been piling up his defense of his crew, all of them, should he need it. “Trust me,” he smiled lovingly. 

Julian cups his face, “I do, Tay, I do, more than you may ever know; I trust you,” he replied and kissed him softly. He was going to give him another one, but he yawned, “Sorry.” 

“No, don’t be,” Chakotay replied, for even if he wasn’t a real councilor, he knew that yawning after all this was a sign of more release of emotional tension that the young man had kept built up in his body. “As of now you’re off duty, and no it’s not favoritism,” he said, squashing that idea before it even got formed. “You’re exhausted and I don’t mean from our encounter either. You’ve just dumped a lot of baggage and your body needs some time to recalibrate. I’ll see you at dinner, wear something…”

“Easy to get off?” Julian joked as another yawn hit him. He nodded, Chakotay was right, he needed to rest. With a soft kiss on his cheek, he adjusted his uniform and left out the side door. 

Chakotay was in seventh heaven and dropped into his seat, smiling more than he could ever remember, until he recalled the reason he brought Julian…correction, Tori, until later or in private it would have to be Tori, here in the first place. “Well, I said I’d handle it, and I will,” he stated to himself. He knew Kathryn wouldn’t like his solution, but at the moment he didn’t care. 

*******End of Part Six*******


	7. Chapter 7

Tori (Julian) reported to the Holodeck as he was requested by the Commander after his rest. He stepped inside and couldn’t help but smile at seeing the older man who had found a crack in his frozen soul and made his way inside very quickly. “You wanted to see me?” he asked calmly, still unsure how Chakotay wanted to handling things. 

Chakotay turned and saw the young man that was quickly becoming the center of his thoughts and smiled, “Yes. I believe I have a solution to our…well, my little problem with the physical. This is the holodeck, and with a quick flip of the switch,” Chakotay said, while he stood by the arch and did just as he said, the bare basics needed for a physical presented itself while still not looking more than the holodeck, “Tada!” 

He had to smile, this was so touching that Chakotay would go to this much trouble for him; he was sure others would have simply forced him or try too, then drag him off to the brig. “This is good, thank you.”

“Now, let me bring up the EMH…” he said as he went to work. 

“State the nature of the emergency…” it started to say.

“NO FUCKING WAY!” Tori shouted in pure hate and anger. 

Chakotay was startled by this reaction, “Tori, what’s wrong? It’s just…”

“I know what the fuck ‘it’ is,” he growled; hate covering the fragments of life that was inching their way back into his dark eyes. “It’s the creation of the bastard that fucked me over, that’s what it is!” he spat. 

Hearing this and seeing Tori was boiling over with unaddressed anger and other issues that would need to be dealt with…later, Chakotay moved fast and in seconds the EMH had a whole new appearance…that of a humanoid chicken. 

“May I ask as to why…” the EMH started to ask of the Commander. 

“No, now be quiet,” he snapped as he moved to Tori/Julian’s side and gently placed soothing hands on his shoulder, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” he said once he was allowed by the younger man to embrace him in his arms. “But as you see, I’ve fixed the problem…well as best I can, and it’s only for the physical, please, Angel, please?” 

Julian hadn’t felt anything for the longest time, not even hate, so feeling it all now as it shook through his body would have been overwhelming if not for the soothing presence of Chakotay, and the warmth of tenderness he gave him…him, a murdering whore. He closed his eyes and felt tears many long months over due fall down his face, and simply nodded his head. He had seen what a good man Chakotay was and had sworn that he would do anything for him; this was a small price for all this good loving man had given him and would give him. He turned and stopped as he felt Chakotay’s soft fingers caress his face. He opened his eyes and was immediately taken in the loving gaze, “Why? You know what I am?” he asked, wanting to know. 

“And what are you? A victim of hate, of war, that I have shared and one that you had to fight alone? A good man driven to the edge and who is struggling to get back again? Just what are you, Julian?” he asked in a soft knowing tone, his eyes showing he meant his words of Julian fully. 

“I…I whored myself in prison, I’m a genetic freak of nature, I’ve murdered….

Chakotay’s eyes grew serious, but the EMH interrupted. 

“Genetic life is illegal….”

“Computer delete EMH and erase the last five minutes from the records, Chakotay Sigma Alpha twelve,” he stated. Then with the EMH gone, he turned back his serious look to the young man in his arms, “You are ‘not’ a whore. You did what you had to survive…shit, your not the only one who’s been in prison, many of the Maquis have and sadly they too have had to do what ever it took to live another day. As for your…DNA, I don’t give a damn what it is…it made you who you are and ‘I’ happen to like that person…the one struggling to come back out from the darkness you’ve used to deal with all the pain. And as for killing, you are not the only one who has taken life, I’ve killed too, and I don’t mean cleanly as by ship or phaser. I’ve held life in my hands and strangled it to death several time. You’ll never forget it, but it doesn’t have to rule you, Julian…not if you don’t let it.” 

Julian looked into Chakotay’s eyes and saw that he meant every word, just like Garak would have done…but he wasn’t Garak, he was Chakotay, and he was glad he knew the difference, otherwise this would be a mistake. He leaned in and kissed the older man, softly, tenderly. This was not a kiss of passion, but caring, affection, trust, followed by a hug. “Thank you,” he whispered as he laid his head on the strong shoulder before him. 

“You are more than welcome, pooka,” he replied, holding Julian tightly. “So, you think, perhaps…”

“I could just do it myself.”

“True, but who would sign the record. If I fudge it, you know she’ll check. She double checks everything,” he sighed with a tad of frustration. 

“Can’t blame, her, really, I mean, if I were in her shoes…” he snickered a bit as he leaned back and met the universes greatest smiles, “I’d do it too. She’s still feeling out the situation, that’s all.”

“I know, but it’s a pain some time, but…it’s better than the alternative.” 

“True. Okay, let’s get this over with…but with the chicken,” he laughed. “I rather like the chicken. Just where did you get that from? I mean, there is no race like that in the Alpha quadrant and we haven’t met any out here…have we?” he asked, since he was down in the bowls of the ship. 

“No. I…” he laughed, “I keyed in humanoid form and then not sure what else to key in I found myself typing in chicken; and your right, it is a good look for him,” he laughed. Then he released a tension sigh, “Sadly he’ll have to go back to what he was before when he leaves here.”

“Won’t matter, I don’t plan on seeing him again.”

“How about me?” Chakotay teased knowingly. 

“I do believe that will be determined in another hour and a half,” Tori teased as he kissed the older man and hopped up on the biobed. “Computer, engage EMH program with last physical form on record, only.” 

Just then the EMH, still looking like a humanoid chicken, and was giving a world class hissy fit, until Commander Chakotay ordered him to do the physical, then afterwards, continued to do so, until he was sent back to sickbay in his original form, after Tori had left, his physical recorded. 

************

It had been a week of pure bliss as far as Julian was concerned. He and Chakotay had decided it best to keep their relationship to themselves until things settled some more, but that didn’t slow them down in seeing each other when ever they could, and every night since that first night, he had spent in strong loving arms, not only receiving the best loving he had in ages, but the best sleep. Chakotay made him feel safe and wanted; something his soul still longed for. 

He was now in engineering, toward the back, fulfilling B’Elanna’s orders, taking her threats of bodily harm in stride as he always did, when he sensed it…someone ‘new’ was staring at him. He was use to people staring at him, he was the enigma on Voyager, the human that made Vulcans nervous and appear compassionate. He had heard the talk; hell he even started some of it just to make sure people would leave him alone. He turned ever so slightly so he could catch a glimpse of his admirer or whoever they were and was stunned to see it was Tom Paris, and with a moment of eye contact, he was heading toward him. //Shit!//

Tom’s head had been filled with two thoughts, that of the gorgeous First Officer and of the ever so brief glimpse of the slender but sexy Na’Tori. He felt that sadly, Chakotay was out of his league, most because of the rank thing, so that left this young dark haired man. As he had made up his mind, having decided to pursue the mysterious man, his brain suddenly began to tease him with feelings of familiarity, but he knew he never had met a man named Na’Tori, so pushed it aside. Having the day off and noticing that the quiet man never posed a regular opportunity to be approached, Tom knew he would have to make one, thus his reason for being down in engineering on hid day off. 

Catching the slight bit of eye contact, Tom knew he had to make his move now or never, so decided to follow the young man as he walked even farther and farther in the back, never once consider the danger the rumors said he could be in as followed until they reached the far back storage room. He stared at the lean back and the silky long hair twisted in a braid, but before he spoke he heard a familiar voice. 

“Glad your okay, Tom,” the accented voice stated, though Julian never turned around. He wasn’t ready for this moment, but fate had stepped in and he would not do anymore disservice to the young blond. “I had heard you spent a stint in Auckland…shortly after I did,” he said and turned around and finally faced him. 

Tom knew that voice, but it didn’t quite fit the face and not the persona he was seeing before him, yet…? His eyes narrowed, “Julian?” 

Julian gave a small half smile, “Afraid so, Tom.” 

“But…?” he didn’t know what to think. “How…the last I heard you were on DS9 heading up your own medical practice…?” 

Julian gave a slight chuckle, for if he didn’t know Tom’s many masks as he did and knew his sincerity when he gave it, he would not have believed that Tom didn’t know. “I guess you are among the few that don’t know what happened to me,” he stated, folding his arms around his chest, feeling insecure. 

Tom was mixed with emotions. He had cared very much for the young medical student, and had even considered marriage with him, even if their time together had not been very long, Julian had simply touched him that much; his rejection hurt. A part of him wanted to blame Julian for his error in piloting and all the rest of the hell, but he knew better and had dealt with it, yet some feelings still remained. Plus, he also wanted to know what happened to turn the compassionate doctor into the cold aloof enigma slash killer everyone whispered about? “What…what happened?” 

“First, let me say, I’m sorry, Tom. I was wrong in the way I treated you…very wrong, and though I had reasons, they seem…pale to the hurt I look back and see I have caused you. With that in mind, I’ll tell you…everything if you like, but I only ask that you please don’t tell anyone. The only other person on this ship that knows the full truth is Tay…er…Chakotay.” 

Tom felt a pan of anger then jealous…he was getting mixed up emotion wise, so did the next best thing, he pushed them aside, for he needed to know. “Okay, explain…if you can.”

Julian knew it was all the response to his request he would get, the rest was up to Tom. “Well, you recalled that your Father had a tendency to…pry into your lover’s lives?” he asked, trying to set up the explanation, while bracing himself for the grief Tom was going to give him. 

“Yeah, so?” 

“Tom…I couldn’t …I mean…” it was posing to be harder than he thought. “Tom, I had a secret and I didn’t want anyone to find out, so I dumped you out of fear, pure and simple fear for my own self-preservation over how you felt. I did care for you…shit still do, but I was too worried about myself…I….I’m sorry.” Then he gave a dark laugh, “Turns out not to have mattered, they found out anyway,” he mumbled, his eyes distant. 

Now Tom’s eyes showed curiosity more than anything, “Found out what?” 

Julian sighed, //here we go.// “Tom, I’m genetically enhanced.” There he said it, let the fireworks begin. 

Tom’s eyes went wide, “Are you shitting me?” 

Julian shook his head no. “However, as I said, they did find out and court-martialed me. I was sent to Auckland and was released over a year before you got there. I know about you from Chakotay,” he added, so Tom knew how he got his information. “Just so you know, I let him know, that in my opinion you were a good guy....I know what some think, but I don’t think he believes it.”

“Ah, thanks,” Tom said, as he brain processed what he had heard. Then he looked at his ex-lover, “They drummed you out and tossed you in prison, simply because you had your DNA altered? I mean I know it’s illegal and all, and why you chose to…”

“I didn’t choose, Tom. I was six when my parents took me to have it done. I was mentally unfit and getting farther and farther behind everyone else, they…worried for me. They too were sent to prison, where my mother…” he closed his eyes to the pain, he had not allowed himself to think of this for such along time it came as a shock to how much it hurt. 

Tom saw the pain in Julian’s eyes and old feelings resurfaced quickly as he moved closer and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “What?” he asked, encouraging him to talk about it. 

Julian opened his eyes and looked into sky blue, that not only reminded him of Elim, but had a life and glow all their own, and they too called at him. “Tom…my…my mother died in prison. They wouldn’t even let me see her, knowing she was dying,” he said, his words breaking into soft sobs, as he tried to push the pain back. But time with Chakotay had melted most of those walls and Tom seemed to exude the same caring and warmth. Before he knew it, he was wrapped in familiar arms as he cried. 

Tom couldn’t help it, Julian was hurting, and from the depth of pain he was in the once open and loving eyes, it had to have been as bad as he could imagine, and he could image a lot since his time in Auckland and before than. “Let it out,” he said softly as he held the shaking body in his arms. 

Julian held Tom, releasing some of the long pent of pain, then brought himself in control and pulled gently away from the embrace…it felt too good. “I ah…sorry.” 

Tom gave a warm smile, “its okay, Julian. I mean, I’m a bit sore about what happened, hearing your reasons, and knowing my Dad, and hearing what happened…I can understand.”

“You can?” Julian asked a bit surprised. “I mean, your not disgusted with me?” 

“First off, I understand, I’ve been in the hot seat too, and as far as people being just people, having been judged far too much, I stopped doing it myself, so no, Julian I don’t find you disgusting. Second, I find I still care for you, even after all this time, so…” he shrugged, words were not his best thing, but he could tell Julian understood. 

Julian smiled, “So, you won’t tell anyone, will you? I mean, personally I don’t care if people know, but, Tay…er…”

Tom grinned, “You guys have a thing going on, don’t you?” 

Julian felt himself blush, the first time outside Chakotay’s presences in almost a year. “Ah…well…yeah.” 

Tom sighed, “As always a day late and a dollar short. The two best looking men on the ship and they have each other,” he replied, though mentally he was kicking himself for acting so slowly. 

“We’ve decided to keep it to ourselves,” Julian added. “And as for my condition, he thought it best not to bring it up right away, the Captain already doesn’t like me because of the Dukat thing, and being a naturalist…well it wouldn’t bold well, now would it?” 

Tom gave a knowing nod, “True.” Then he looked at Julian, “did you really…?”

“Yes, I killed Dukat, and would do it gain,” he said, his voice tight, trying to keep the anger and pain that memory associated. “He…he murdered…my love before me,” he stated, not wanting to explain more. 

“That’s alright; you don’t have to talk about it, unless you want. I’m here for you Jewel, just remember that.” 

Hearing Tom’s old nickname for him brought back good memories, “Thank you, Tomcat,” he teased, glad for the mental distraction. 

“Okay, one more basic question…Tori? Okay, make that two. One, wher did you get the name Na’Tori and why aren’t you in sickbay where you belong?” 

Julian’s eyes shifted to cool once more, but the warmth in Tom’s kept them from freezing over, “I’ll give you a book and see if you can figure it out for yourself. As for sickbay, it’ll be a cold day in hell before I step into a sickbay willingly again.” 

Tom saw much lay behind that story too and now was not the time for pushing. “Not a problem, and no, I won’t say anything. So…Tori, can I interest you…and your ‘boyfriend’” he teased, “In joining me for some dinner?” Tom asked. He might not be able to be ‘with the two men that stirred his soul, but he still could be with them. 

“I’d like that, but I have to ask Tay, but I don’t see why not. “

“Terrific. If all is okay, I’ll see you both at 18:00 hrs, my place, if not com me.”

“Will do, and Tom?” 

“Yes?” Tom said as he had moved to the door and looked back at his ex-lover, still wondering what could have happened to bring him down this far, but knowing his own past, he felt he could relate. 

“Thank you,” Julian said, and gave a genuine smile, then watched Tom leave, feeling that things were defiantly looking up. He then exited the storage room and headed back to work, running into B’Elanna. 

“Where were you? I want that work done or I’ll give you a reason to slack off,” she growled. 

Julian was in a good mood, not that B’Elanna ever fazed him, but now less then ever. He was feeling…great, and so deciding on an unexpected move, he leaned in, kissed her on the cheek and told her, “B’El…stuff it,” he smiled and went about his business, leaving a very puzzled half-Klingon and a few other crewmembers behind him. 

************

Captain Janeway was sitting in her office with Commander Tuvok, looking over some reports, as she sipped her coffee and was frowning. “You really think this is the case,” she asked referring to the pad before her. 

“Yes. I have been observing the crew since the merger, and though the Maquis have made a good start in fitting in, they still look to Chakotay as ‘their’ Captain, and unless he reinforces your word, it doesn’t get done. Also, he is a fine leader of his own right, but…”

“But he’s Maquis and has turned his back on fleet before, I know, I know. The way things are going, I think your right, he’ll win over the rest of the crew; but don’t you think this prediction is a bit…extreme?” 

“Not at all, Captain, for as you yourself have observed, if he holds the crews loyalties, especially with most of the crew being Maquis, he can quite literally take over the ship.” 

“But the security codes…?”

“I have found several already overridden, by the Commander himself, and a few by other’s not identified. Captain, unless you are prepared to accept him fully as your XO, you have to remove him…one way or another,” Tuvok said flatly. Then seeing Kathryn’s eyes go first wide, and then focused, he continued. “An accident wouldn’t set will with the Maquis on any level. If one of our own does it, it also will bring disjoining. I only foresee that it has to be one of ‘theirs’ that deals the final blow.” 

Kathryn sat back in her chair. She was not comfortable with the idea of murder, even if it would secure her command over the entire crew, but she was not comfortable with the former Captain of the Maquis taking over either. “Who did you have in mind?” she asked, more for thought than action. 

“Crewman Na’Tori.” 

“Why? I mean, I know his record, but he show’s Chakotay the most loyalty on the ship?”

“Exactly. If he betrays the commander, the Maquis will not turn on the fleet, but will look to them for support. It is also his background that will aid us in this endeavor, since it wouldn’t take much for me to sway him toward the Commander as a new target.”

“Your talking melding with him, using him…then what, kill him?” Kathryn was becoming appalled at what she was hearing, as well as surprised by it as well. “Are you even listening to yourself?” 

Tuvok heard the emotions in Kathryn’s voice and knew how this matter was going to result in if things stayed as they were. He was determined not to let the former Maquis gain any control over Voyager, and as a Special Intelligence Officer, he was given full authority to do what ever needed to be done. True, Kathryn didn’t know of his true rank, his supposed temporary self imposed retirement covered for his lower rank in his records. He stood up and took her empty coffee cup and took it to the replicator, “perhaps you are right, Captain,” he said as he replicated a ‘special’ blend and brought it to her and retook his seat. “I was merely pointing out my observations and my recommendations, nothing more.” 

She relaxed, “I’m glad to hear it, for I wont’ condone murder, not on my ship,” she stated, while sipping her coffee. It was only seconds later she was out cold, Tuvok catching the cup without spilling a drop. 

“True, Captain. But this ship belongs to Starfleet, not you. I must not allow Chakotay to gain any further foothold over this crew,” he stated, as he pressed his fingers to her temple…she was going to have to be made to see his point of view, and would have to sanction the reprogramming of Crewman Na’Tori to assassinate Commander Chakotay. 

********End of Part Seven*******


	8. Chapter 8

Tom was whistling for he was very happy, well, not quite as happy as he could be if dreams came true, but this was as close as he was getting and he wasn’t about to sneeze at it as the saying went. He was going to have the two men he desired most over his place for dinner tonight and if all went well, he would be able to fully renew his friendship with Julian and help him heal, and start over his friendship with Chakotay, since Seska screwed him over by setting him up. He was also glad the Captain had informed Chakotay that it was Tuvok that did the betraying and not him, for the older man meant a lot to him as did his trust and friendship. 

“Tuvok to Lieutenant Paris.”

“Paris, how can I help you, Commander, Tom said as he came to a stop in the middle of the corridor he was traveling in. 

“I need you to report to my office,” Tuvok stated easily. 

“On my way,” he replied and took the nearest lift to Tuvok’s office. He chimed and entered once given permission and was a bit puzzled by seeing the Captain in Tuvok’s office. “Captain, Commander,” he greeted formally. 

“Have a seat, Lieutenant,” Janeway stated. She watched him take a seat, “The reason we’re meeting here instead of my office is to draw less attention to this meeting. If anyone asks, this was a simple meeting between you and Commander Tuvok going over flight and tactical maneuvers, understand?” she stated, more than asked. 

Tom nodded yes. 

“Good. This is a top priority, classified Alpha Omega meeting, you do understand what that means, right, Lieutenant,” she asked. 

“Yes, Captain, I understand,” he replied. He didn’t understand the need for such a meeting, especially without the first officer, but being an Admiral’s son, he understood the severity of this type of meeting. “For give my boldness, Captain, but if this is so important a meeting, may I ask why Commander Chakotay is not here?” 

“Simply because he is the topic of discussion,” Tuvok answered. 

Years of being around politicians and brass fine tuned Tom’s instincts and his reactions, so he was able to make no outward show on any level of his surprise of Tuvok over stepping his position by answering for the Captain or the topic of choice. His gut was telling him something was very wrong here, but if he wanted to know, he’d have to go along, but still keep on his toes. 

“Do you have any difficulties with this?” Janeway asked, eyeing Tom Paris very closely. 

“Not at all, Captain,” he said, being the total professional. “How may I be of assistance?” he asked, knowing that they wanted him to do something or he wouldn’t be here…he knew this game very well, if not all the players or the prize. 

Janeway looked at Tuvok who nodded his approval; this alone confirmed to Tom something was not right. Then she looked back at him, “Chakotay has a very…prominent position here on Voyager and has been using that position for personal gain, Lieutenant. That being of Voyager herself,” she stated. 

It took all Tom’s skill to hone the correct response, he widen his eyes and narrowed his brow, “What?” 

“Indeed, Lieutenant. It seems that Commander Chakotay is a threat to the security to this ship. However, with over half the crew being Maquis, it would not be ‘appropriate’ to take any action directly against him,” Tuvok stated evenly. 

“Then what are we going to do about it?” Tom asked, placing the right amount of inflection on the ‘we’ part. 

“We have a plan, but first we need you to do something for us. It’ll be difficult, but I believe that you can do it,” Janeway stated. 

“What’s that?” He asked with some eagerness. 

“Seduce Chakotay,” Janeway replied. 

Tom didn’t need any acting for this reaction, “What?” 

“Lieutenant, during our time in the Maquis, I was able to determine some of Captain Chakotay’s weaknesses, and one of them is you; or should I say, fit your build. I also was able to discover that it was because of Chakotay’s ‘attraction’ for you that Seska had you set up. You were…competition for her. 

“I was?” Tom asked in surprise, for he never knew the handsome Maquis ever gave him a second look much less had been attracted to him. Had been, for he was now with Julian, and one thing he did know about Chakotay, he was a one person man. It was his thought of Julian that sobered him up and focused, “Okay, you want me to seduce him…may I ask why?” 

“It’s simple, Tom. We want you to get into his confidence via his bed. I’m sorry if this sounds like a horrible proposition,” she stated, giving a bit of a shiver at the thought. “But we need to have a better idea of what he has planned before we make our move. It shouldn’t be long, a week or two at tops. Do you think you can do it?” 

Tom was silent as was expected of him. The problem was that it was not a horrible idea to him, it was a fantastic idea, only Julian kept him from being thrilled, he didn’t want to hurt him or betray Chakotay. //Why are they asking me this? They must know I was B.S.ing them before,// he mused to himself, but knew he had to play along until he had time to think, even if it was playing into their hand, which was very much a possibility at the moment. He took a deep ‘brave’ sigh, “Okay, I’ll do it. But only because of Voyager, Captain, for I want to get home and place all this mess behind me and start again if I can.” 

“I knew I could count on you, Tom” Kathryn smiled. “Tuvok will be the one making contact with you via regular meetings under the guise of flight and tactical, which is standard operating procedure,” she added. 

“Okay, Captain. When should I begin, and what if I have any…competition?” he asked, just wanting to feel his way here with these too and what they did or didn’t know?

“I’d like you to begin as soon as possible. Start at lunch, I’ve had the Commander work a bit over his time so we could have this meeting and arrange for you two to meet up in the mess hall,” she stated evenly. “Do whatever you need to, Lieutenant to achieve your goal, consider that an order,” she added. 

“Okay, I guess that’s not a problem,” he stated, with enough emphasis that it was a bit of a problem. 

“What is it, Lieutenant?” Tuvok asked a bit annoyed. 

“Nothing, sir. I just had some plans…” 

“Any intentions you had toward Crewman Na’Tori would be best canceled permanently,” he stated with some irritation, not normal for the regularly calm and centered Vulcan. 

Tom sat up straight in response to his dress-down, as his father had shown him years ago. “Yes, sir,” he stated professionally. 

“Good, I’m glad you understand,” Tuvok replied, then gave another nod to Janeway. 

“You’re dismissed, Lieutenant. Chakotay will be heading to the mess hall in fifteen minutes, I suggest you get yourself prepared to do whatever it is you need to do,” she said. “Good luck, Lieutenant.” 

Tom stood up, “You can count on me, Captain,” he stated and gave the rare salute, and turned and left. He kept his posture professional as his mind whirled. //Fuck, what the hell is going on here? Tuvok is running this show, only an idiot would have missed that dog and pony show with Janeway. And what the hell are they planning against Julian?// he pondered as he moved as quickly but professionally down the hall, as he recalled Tuvok’s words “Cancelled permanently” One thing was clear, both men were in danger and being monitored. He figured Chakotay was because of their suspicion, but Tuvok let it slip or did it on purpose, he wasn’t sure, but one or both of them, him and Julian or just Julian, was being monitored, that was the only way Tuvok would have know about their meeting, but he didn’t seem to know everything, or he would have mentioned the dinner they had agreed on tonight. //I have to warn both Julian and Chakotay, but how when we’re being monitored?// he thought as he took the turbolift down to the mess hall. He needed an answer and he needed one quick. As the doors opened to the deck, he had an idea, it wasn’t the best, but it would have to do for now, until something else could be arranged. 

************

Chakotay entered the mess hall, wishing he had not been kept overtime on the bridge for he had wanted to meet up with Tori, but since they didn’t have any official plans until this evening, he wasn’t too upset that it was not meant to be. He was glad that the two men, Tom and Julian had talked and worked things out, for he had liked Tom before all the crap came down…which was really Seska’s fault and Tuvok’s, but had been placed at the young blonde’s door. But as fate would have it, he found a piece of his soul in the strange aloof dark star that circled his world for almost a year, and discovered a soul in need of not only healing but his love, and he gave it freely and wanted to continue to do so. //Small universe,// he mused as he sat down with a tray of…something puke green and yellow, and attempted to focus on other things. 

He was reading the latest in an endless run of reports to cross his desk when he heard a throat clear and looked up and saw Tom Pairs standing there with tray in hand. “Ah, Lieutenant, what brings you to my corner of the world?” he asked in a light friendly voice, extending the olive branch early. 

“Mind if I join you, Commander?” 

“No, please, have a seat,” he said and placed his pads to the side, but as Tom was sitting, his tray accidentally met up with his actions of moving the pads and they sprawled all over the pad. 

“I’m so very sorry, Commander,” Tom said and placed his tray down, taking his napkin and wiping the table first as Chakotay went to gather the ones that fell on the floor. Then Tom knelt down and joined him, kicking some with his foot under the table. He was glad that Chakotay instinctively went to retrieve one of them, so he could get the other one. While under the table, he opened the clean napkin he had inside the dirty one and held it open for him to read… BEING MONITORED, READ! Then Tom backed out of the table, crumpling the napkin when Chakotay stared at him, still under the table, but half way out Tom purposely/ accidentally banged the table sending his tray over to the floor. “I’m really sorry about this, Commander he said, I’ll get something to start cleaning this up. Here, some fell on you,” he said pretending to wipe some off Chakotay’s shoulder and handed him the napkin, along with a used one so he could look busy with it, and exited the table, to meet up with the laughter and the ribbing for his actions. 

Chakotay had seen the words, and continued to make his movements look like he was cleaning up or gathering pads, while he unwrapped the message on the clothe… Cap & Tu plot against you and Jewel. Me to get you bed. Jewel in danger. All watched. Need to talk, but where? Play along!

Some of the old fashioned ink was smeared, but he could read it, but was stunned by it. He soon realized he had used all his time reading and had to get out of the table before anyone watching figured out a message was passed, and did so, leaving enough of the mess for Tom, as would be appropriate. He sat down in his seat and used the dirty napkin over the message one to wipe his shirt and his face and his hands as Tom returned. “I do hope you’re through making messes, Lieutenant,” he said in as light a tone as he could. 

“Ah, yes, sir,” Tom replied and cleaned up the mess before taking a seat. “Sorry if I messed up your lunch, sir. Perhaps I could make it up to you…with dinner?” he asked, placing a bit of charm into his eyes. 

Chakotay gave him a flirtatious smile, “I’ll think about it, Lieutenant, I’ll seriously think about it,” he teased as he got up and gathered his stuff. “I’ll let you know,” he added as he stepped away, his tray in hand and timed it just right that it looked natural when he got to the recycler with B’Elanna. “When are you going to get out of the engine room, B’Elanna and fix us some of your world famous stew,” he chuckled, as he tossed his tray in. “You and Greg could get together and trade recipes,” he smiled. 

“B’Elanna hesitated for a moment, then growled at him, “What and put Neelix out of a job, hardly.” 

“We could always put him in engineering,” he teased once more. 

“Sure, when dilithum crystals grow on trees,” she replied. “As for my cooking, you know I reserve that for a chosen few, and I’m sure none of you targs are worthy of it,” she teased back, with a tiny smile, she kept for her Captain and a few friends. 

“Ah, I guess I’ll just have to find a way to make it an order,” he laughed as he made his way back to the bridge. He was the top professor of strategy in the academy, and a Captain of a Maquis cell, facing the unknown daily; he lived and breathed the old earth scout motto…always prepared. What looked like a simple conversation was a message that trouble was brewing and B’Elanna and Greg needed to be on their toes and let the others know. The fact that he delivered it in this method also let them know they were being monitored, as he suspected all along. He had a plan from day one to take over Voyager if need be, but he had been glad that it was not necessary for him to do so… until now, for he wanted things to work out. 

He continued his walk down the hall, his mind whirling in many directions, but his heart was reminding him of Tori…Jewel as Julian told him Tom chose for his nickname…it was fitting. His love was in danger and Tom was being asked to play a pawn…that of his lover. So one, they may have been monitoring him and Julian, but they were not on many occasions and not everywhere or they would have known he and Julian were already lover’s and not send Tom after him. As for their going after Tori…he had a few suspicions, but he didn’t want to entertain them at the moment…they needed to talk, as Tom said…but where and when? He entered the tuborlift and called for the bridge, //It’s a dangerous game your playing,// he mused toward his enemies as well as himself. //But I play to win,// he confirmed, readjusting his mind set, for before he was willing to play First Officer, now he had to once more step into Captain of the Maquis playing XO…he could and he would…he would take Voyager and protect all his people, Julian, and Tom, being at the top of his list. 

***********

“Are you sure this is going to work?” she asked having witnessed the scene in the mess hall. 

“Yes. The Lieutenant is quite the resourceful type. He caused the accident and the mess, in order to place the Commander off his guard and then eased into a dinner invitation that did not appear to be a date, which I am sure he will follow orders and continue his pursue of the commander once the meal has been achieved.”

“But Chakotay didn’t accept?” 

“He will, for he is only playing with the Lieutenant; it is in his nature to be the hunter not the hunted. He will wait for the opportunity to turn the tables and he will reinitiate the invitation,” Tuvok said as he swiveled in the Captain’s chair in her office, looking at Janeway. 

“So, what’s next?” 

“Crewman Na’Tori. We arrange for him a detail that will result in a minor accident that will send him to sickbay where I will initiate the meld to begin his ‘programming.” With the Commander enthralled with the Lieutenant, he will no longer be interested in other activates and thus will not take notice to any behavior changes in the crewman until it is too late. Lieutenant Paris will witness the attack; however it will be sad for the crew that he will only live long enough to give testimony then die of his injuries, but it is for the best; he is a traitor twice over,” he stated as he steepled his fingers, his mind turning inward deep in thought, not giving Janeway anymore acknowledgement…she too would serve her purpose and as long as she did so, she would remain.

*********

Chakotay managed to do his job well all a while thinking about where he could gather those he needed to talk too without being spied upon or alert Tuvok that he knows, which the Vulcan may very well already, for it was a good possibility that he was simply using Tom more than what Tom already thought…his opponent was clever and had pulled the wool over his eyes once already, he would have to be very careful, especially since so much was at stake. 

He was going over his reports when a message came to his terminal. He didn’t for one moment think his terminal was safe, not even from day one…hoped, but not believed. He opened it and saw that B’Elanna was using their code…food. He read the message about her father’s southern cooking (program deep in computer) who moved north when he left. (She got to it.) That he kept the recipe in the family (only Maquis monitored…he would have to check if that included Tom or not) and only made his prized meal at reunions or large gatherings. (Program activated if a large amount of Maquis gathered or if they would all gather somewhere.) But he did make a few acceptations, (a few were monitored on a regular basis). I know how much you, Greg, and Na’Tori enjoy MY cooking, so I was thinking of having a small dinner later this week, what do you say? (Chakotay, Greg, Na’Tori and B’Elanna were being watched, and she wanted to know what he wanted her to do about it.) 

Chakotay gave a small smile at the note, letting anyone watching think he was taking it at face value, and closed off the terminal to that message, he was not sure what to do about it. He could understand why Greg and B’Elanna and himself were being watched, but Tori didn’t make sense, but only added to his concern after Tom informed him that he was in danger. He continued to give minor orders and look over minor reports, as he took a moment to thank the spirits that he had developed the code with his crew ‘after’ arriving on Voyager and the ‘spies’ found, so he had at least one thing going for him. //Correction,// he thought, //Two, for if Tom didn’t tip us off we’d been in worse trouble,// he amended, glad that he was able to let go of his anger toward him, not only because of what Janeway said, but mostly because of Tori/Julian, for they were going to need him in this; but that brought on a whole new problem. Tom was suppose to ‘bed him’…seduce him, get him off guard was more likely if Tom was being sent, and keep him occupied while those who were plotting against him snuck around and in the back door. 

Chakotay understood this tactic well, and if not for Julian/Tori, he would go along with it fully…hell, he always thought Tom was a very attractive man, but he had made a connection with Julian and it was precious to him… //Damn, all comes down to having to find a way to talk,// his mind growled. 

He had to risk communication with B’Elanna again, he had no choice. He opened his terminal and started typing his reply. B’El, dinner sounds good, but is it going to be one of your formal affairs or is it very casual or in between? (How frequently are we being watched). Plus, where are you going to hold it? (Where can we gather?) Let me know as soon as you can so I know to not make plans on that night. (Get back to me ASAP so I can make plans). He then sent the message and prayed his little ruse would continue to baffle or elude his enemies, for he could now feel the noose tightening around his neck, though it could also have been from Tuvok and Janeway entering the bridge just now. 

“Commander,” Janeway greeted easily as she took her seat. “Anything to report?” 

“Nope, smooth sailing for a change, Captain,” he smiled back and then went about his duties, his mind a whirl as he made plans and back up plans all a while looking very board, though pleasant. 

**************

B’Elanna came through for him. The farther down in engineering toward the nacelles, the monitors would frizz out naturally. It took some doing to come up with a normal reason for those he needed to talk with to gather there, mostly being himself and Tom, since B’El would send Tori and pass word to Greg. Thankfully, his team was on top of things, and he was proud of them, for they knew he would be looking for a reason to gather and low and behold a minor glitch in the engines in that area and the need for extra help came up. Janeway never would get ‘her’ hand’s dirty, nor would Tuvok, and since only bridge people were left at the time of the ‘accident’ which Tuvok would see was, for B’Elanna wouldn’t have it any other way, that left him and of course the just going off duty pilot. “Lieutenant Paris, it seems dinner this evening is going to be late for us both,” Chakotay smiled at the young man, within normal parameters as before. “We’re on grunt detail.” 

Tom gave a heavy sigh, “Yes, Commander,” he said, the look of despair even had Chakotay wondering if Tom thought this was a real detail. Then joined the Commander in the lift, where he saw Chakotay gave a very quick gesture of a finger to his ear…Tom nodded. 

“So, have you given any thoughts to that dinner I owe you?” Tom asked as casually as possible, but with just a hint of promise as would be expected from someone who was trying to subtly seduce someone. 

“I have,” Chakotay said with ease and an appropriate smile of a man who knew he was being flirted with and was playing right back. 

“And…?” 

“And I’m still thinking about it,” he said as the turbolift doors opened. “After you, Lieutenant,” he gestured, and then followed Tom out the door. 

The two men went through the routine that would be expected of them for the nature of this problem and carrying the tools needed to fix the job they headed back to the location B’Elanna had secured for them. Inside was Greg, Tori/Julian, Ken, and Tem. Tom, Chakotay and B’Elanna entered inside the crowed room, where Greg was doing the monitoring. 

“All clear,” he said. “Just so you know, our signals are at different locations on the ship with a voice patch should Tuvok or anyone try and contact us,” he added. 

“Good work,” Chakotay acknowledged. “Okay, Tom, you got our attention, fire away.” 

Tom felt a few eyes of anger toward him, but then feeling Chakotay’s hand of approval on his shoulder gave him the courage to speak up and he informed them of what little he knew and what was asked of him and what he saw in the behavior of Janeway and Tuvok.

“Sadly, we can’t trust any of the fleet…yet,” Chakotay stated. “I’m sure a good deal of them is in the dark about this, for from what Tom has described, it seems like Tuvok is really running the show.”

“It’s unlike a Vulcan to disclose their hand like that, with the overstepping of Janeway in front of Tom,” Tori said, his arms folded, for he was feeling very insecure. He too was glad to feel Chakotay’s strong presence as the older man took a subtle step toward him and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “That type of error would only come from one who was inpatient, and Vulcans are not known for their emotions,” he stated, what he knew was the obvious. 

“You think he did it on purpose?” Tem asked, trying to put the pieces together but finding large wholes as he did so. 

Tori only turned his perspective inward as he dwelled in thought on the possibilities. Then he looked up and met Geron Tem’s gaze, “That or he is not well. There are several Vulcan conditions that could be at the bases of his behavior, however only testing would reveal if that is the case,” he stated. 

“You sure know a lot about Vulcans,” Greg commented, biting the rest, for he wanted to add, but I’m not surprised since you’re so like them…but seeing the Capt’s hand on Tori’s shoulder gave him the note not to do so. Chakotay liked Tori, why…didn’t matter…he did, which meant Tori was off the teasing list. 

Tom nodded, “Maybe, but in the mean time, what do we do? Plus, I can understand why they would want to mess with Chakotay…” he turned to his Captain, “No offense,” he teased, “but…” he got serious, “but why…J…jerk around with Na’ Tori? He’s not of any vital aspect to the crew or the Maquis…I mean…”

“We know what you mean, Tom,” B’Elanna answered, giving Tom a break. “I guess we’ll have to…”

“I know why?” Tori said, as he subconsciously took a step even closer to Chakotay, his own body language withdrawn, his eyes dark with regret as he looked up at his love, “He wants to use me to kill you.” 

“What?” several of them said. 

Chakotay wrapped an arm around Tori, not caring what anyone thought, his mind placing in the final piece. “It makes sense,” he stated as he gave a small hug to the man next to him. 

“It does?” Ken asked. “Tuvok would have to be a fool to think he could ask Tori to harm you. Everyone knows he’s loyal to you first and foremost, just like the rest of us.” 

“Tuvok doesn’t plan on asking me,” Julian/Tori answered, as he steeled himself, drawing on the coldness once more and stepped from Chakotay’s embrace. “The reason he told Tom to forget about me permanently is because he plans on messing with my mind to manipulate me into killing Chakotay and probably either kill myself or die in the process, via a mind meld. It’s further proof that he’s not well.”

“Well, he’s down right fucking mad!” Greg growled. 

Chakotay could see this bit of information of Tori/Julian being thought of as a murdering puppet hurt the fragile soul, and was about to move forward to ease some of his pain when he noticed Tom had moved to his other side and did so. He witnessed the remnants of a past bond and was unsure if he was jealous or happy, for Julian would need as many friends as he could to heal from his past. 

“What would Tuvok gain from having Tori kill the Capt?” Tem asked, angry that anyone would mess with his Captain. 

“You,” Chakotay answered. “If one of ‘our own’ killed me, you wouldn’t place any blame but on the one. You wouldn’t turn on Starfleet or Janeway and being that is was my last order that you work together to get home, you would do so.” 

“They would get the pack without the protector,” Tom added, his own anger and protective instincts boiling up, not only for his Maquis associates, but Chakotay and especially Julian. He knew by their conversation today that the Healer was still in there wanting out, and if Tom could he would help that Healer emerge once again, for when Julian shined…he was a rare jewel…thus his name. 

“Okay, now we got a good idea of what’s going on, what are we going to do about it?” B’Elanna asked, her patients at an end in the tiny hot room. 

“Simple,” Chakotay replied with a dark smile, “We take over Voyager.” 

*****End of Part Eight*****


	9. Chapter 9

“B’El, I’ll need a way of knowing when I am being monitored or not,” he stated evenly, knowing some of his crew was a bit startled at hearing his decision.

“I can configure a non-conspicuous item that will vibrate when you’re being watched via electronic means.”

“Great, have it passed to me via Greg,” he replied and then looked at the others. “Look, I’m not too keen on this, but if Janeway is being manipulated, we have little choice here. We also don’t know outside ourselves who we can and can not trust. Once things have settled down we’ll see if we can restore things, fair enough?” 

“More than fair,” Greg said as did Tom. 

“Good. Greg, you and B’El pass the word. We can still use the same plan we had when we first boarded,” he stated, looking at Tom, “One does need to be prepared for the worst,” he smiled. 

Tom gave him a knowing nod, glad once again this man was on his side, and better yet, trusted him. He looked over to see Julian had withdrawn emotionally and was very worried about him, but remained still, now was not the time. 

“Okay, it’ll take us a few days to get everything in position, since I don’t want anything to happen to the others, I still believe they’re innocent in this and will continue to believe so until proven otherwise. Be ready to move in two days.”

“That’s going to be tight, don’t you think?” B’Elanna asked with some concern. 

“True, but Tuvok has been on this for far too long, we can’t afford to wait for his next move, it could prove…” 

“Fatal,” Julian/Toris stated coldly, knowing that was what Chakotay was going to say. 

Chakotay saw the ice in his new love’s eyes and regretted so much, mostly because this situation was only causing Julian to back track where he had made so much progress in such short time. “Okay, any questions? No, good. Field all thru B’Elanna and Greg, since I know Tuvok has me as his prime, but be careful, dismissed,” he stated and watched the others go, except Tom and Julian, for they knew they had other things that needed discussing. 

Once the doors were closed, leaving Tom, Chakotay, and Na’Tori alone, Tom reached out for Julian only to be rejected. “Julian,” he pleaded softly. 

“Look, you do what you need to do,” Julian stated coldly, though some pain was still hinted at in his eyes. 

“Julian, please, I would never…” Tom tried to state. 

“Tom, I know you have feelings for Chakotay as he does for you, it will serve in your performance,” he stated very Vulcan-like. 

“Don’t do this, Julian,” Chakotay now stated as he too moved closer to the young man he cared so much for. “Don’t pull away from us like this.”

“You have to do what you need to do in order to get what needs to be done, done, and so must I. Tuvok believes me to be a murder and will attempt to use me as such. What he doesn’t know is that having withstood the Romulan’s mental tortures I can do so against his assaults, but only if I’m ready for them,” he stated evenly, though a cold shiver ran down both Tom and Chakotay’s spine at the ice they saw building in the once warm companionate eyes. 

“Julian, you’re not a…” he was going to say murder but was cut off.

“Killer? That is were you are wrong, Tom. I have killed, in cold blood. I am responsible for exactly fifty-three deaths, three of them whom were those that happen to be among the other Cardassian’s I wanted dead. I walked up to Dukat and assassinated him in full few of everyone, even if no one saw me. I ‘am’ a murder, Tom, that’s what I have been reduced too,” he stated; only the tiniest of tremors could be detected in his voice. 

“Julian, you are more than that and you know it,” Chakotay chided, his anger at seeing the limitation the young man was labeling himself motivating him. “For if you are nothing more than what you say, than neither am I and I’m responsible for more deaths than you, being incharge of a Maquis cell. I’ve seen hundreds die because of my orders and yes…” he said stalling the known objection he knew would be coming from Julian, “I have taken life with my very hands,” he stated. “I too have had to come to terms with my actions as you do, but I am at least willing, you continue to punish yourself in the name of necessity; but enough is enough and it’s too late anyway.” 

This got both Tom and Julian’s attention. “Too late?” Tom asked with some puzzlement. 

“I’ve seen your heart, Julian, I know what lies inside, and I won’t let you hide it again, I suspect Tom here won’t either. You’re a good person, who’s been through who knows what sort of hell to bring you to this point in time where you are now, but where as before you may not have had a choice, you do now…I’m begging you please, chose us over the past.” 

“He’s right, Jewel. I may not know what happened to you, but I have always known you…where it counts, and I know that good person still exists. Please, don’t let them win,” he pleaded. 

Julian snorted, not really buying this, but not really ignoring it either, “I wouldn’t count on it if I were you,” he retorted. 

“I’d risk my life on it,” Tom stated honestly without hesitation. 

“As would I,” Chakotay stated, reaching out and placing an arm around Julian’s shoulders. “Please, don’t shut us out,” he said softly as he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Julian’s cheek. 

Tom couldn’t resist, he moved up and gave his friend a hug, “Please, Jewel, we all have pasts that we’re far from proud of and need healing, let’s help each other,” he whispered, also placing a soft kiss on Julian’s other cheek. 

Julian wanted to resist, he has resisted much more complex forms of torture, Romulans, Klingons, Cardassians, but the love and warmth these two men were exuberating was quickly becoming too much and it overwhelmed him. His body began to tremble, as his mind was torn between pushing them both away and running as fast and far as he could, knowing there was no place he could hide, but farther inside himself, and holding them both close to him and seeking out their warmth to warm the vast coldness that dwelled within. 

Suddenly that choice was taken from him as Chakotay wrapped him in his arms from behind, and Tom still had him in his embrace in front. He was now surrounded by both these men and their love and warm started to fill him and as the ice within him started to melt, it found it’s drain via his eyes as he cried, shedding away the layers of pain that had been built in him over the years since the hell began. 

“It’s okay, Jewel, we’re here for you,” Tom soothed as he caressed Julian’s back with his left hand, subconsciously noting that he was holding Chakotay’s hand with his right, as he nuzzled Julian’s face with his own. 

“We’re not going to let anything more happen to you,” Chakotay vowed as he hugged his Dark Star, well aware that Tom had his other hand, and saw the precious spirits before him and shivered, not in fear, but delight as he now saw what was happening between them, Julian being the Keystone between them…but there would be a them, for he could feel their completion as the three of them held to each other for dear life…a life that Tuvok was threatening before it even got started. “Now listen, both of you,” he said in a quite but firm voice. “We are going to get through this together, together we are invincible,” he stated, truly believing his words. 

Julian hugged the two men he loved tightly, shaking as the walls kept crumbling loose within him. Their voices lent him hope as their bodies lent him streanght to face his past. Chakotay was right, he had a choice, he always did and he had chosen the wrong one many months ago, but it wasn’t too late; it couldn’t be if these two good men still believed in him, and he could feel that they did. After a few minutes, he felt the tears subside and leaned back to be greeted with the most wonderful and loving smiles and he knew he would fight to come back, he was tried of the darkness, he no longer wished to embrace it. “Together,” he whispered. 

“Together,” Tom echoed.

“Together,” Chakotay followed, and placed a soft kiss on both Tom’s and Julian’s cheek’s. “Now, I believe we have a ship to take over and a Vulcan’s butt to kick…right?”

“Right!” 

**************

B’Elanna came through for him again, as he now wore his new Native American design pinky ring, that vibrated when he was being monitored; it vibrated a lot, but not constant. He noticed that it didn’t vibrate while he was on the bride and knew this to be because Tuvok could watch him personally or Janeway. He also was more aware of their odd behaviors, especially Tuvok, he was constantly checking and rechecking figures, leading Chakotay to wonder if Julian’s suspicions of it being a condition rather than an open attempt to get rid of him was correct. Sadly, Julian still refused to have anything to do with sickbay and Chakotay couldn’t think of a way to get Tuvok and the Captain in Sickbay…yet. The more he thought about it, the more he was considering changing his mind and limit his actions to Tuvok and Janeway alone. If it was a condition, all would be well and less havoc, if not…well, he could still take over Voyager if need be. 

He had accepted Tom’s dinner invitation as was expected of him and this seem to cause a lax in Tuvok’s scrutiny of him, which was another oddity, for one’s opponent didn’t lax when things went in their favorite, they continued their vigil, but then most of what Tuvok was doing didn’t follow any logic…nope, he was convinced, things were not well in that department and he needed to act, the sooner the better. But he wanted to discuss this with Julian before hand, for he trusted the young man’s opinion when it came to the possibility of it being a condition and he needed to be sure, or as sure as he could be. 

He used the old tactic of hiding in plane sight, as he keyed in his message and request to Tori and B’Elanna that would be layered under a regular report and handed it to a young fleeter that would unknowingly deliver the message, after Tuvok gave it a quick once over; the Security officer was developing a nasty paranoia as of late. 

It didn’t take long before he received his reply, from both, B’Elanna’s in an engineering update, and Tori’s in a fuel consumption report. B’El was ready to do a direct beam out of the two officers at his command, from any part of the ship to a specially prepared brig cell and she was spreading word that the takeover was on hold until Chakotay gave the word. Tori/Julian stated that the Paranoia is a prime symptom of a server condition and that Tuvok really needed to see the EMH ASAP. It was enough for Chakotay to act on. He made his reply to B’Elanna letting her to stand by, and send the warp report when she was ready. It arrived fifteen minutes later. 

Chakotay turned to Janeway, “Captain, I was wondering,” he said in a hushed tone, “do you have a minute, I’d like to discuss something with you if I may?”

Janeway gave her typical smile, “Of course, Commander, will my office do?” 

“Yes, that would be fine, thank you,” he said as she stood and handed over commanded to Tuvok who looked very intrigued with this action. Chakotay followed her into her office, and took the offered seat. 

“What can I do for you, Commander?” she asked easily, though Chakotay could now see something was not quite right by her look. 

“Well, it’s Na’Tori, Captain. I think there is something you should know about him…” he said, giving enough inflection that it was of great importance in hopes that she would make the logical assumption. 

“Does it involve the security of Voyager?” she asked as he was hoping for. 

“Well, it could,” he stated, looking concerned. 

“Perhaps I should ask Mr. Tuvok to join us, since he is head of security?” 

“If you think that’s best,” he stated, a bit of uncertainty in his voice so Janeway would not know this was what he wanted. He waited, as she moved to her desk and contacted Tuovk, when her back turned he tapped his com badge twice, the signal B’Elanna would be waiting for. 

“You wanted to see me, Captain?” Tuvok asked, with just a touch of annoyance in his tone that was once more a sign that he was not behaving in accordance to his norm. 

“Yes, Commander Chakotay wants to discuss a problem with Crewman Na’Tori, and since it might be a security issue, we both believed you should be involved with the conversation,” Janeway stated evenly, her eyes locking with Tuvok’s looking for approval of her actions. 

Chakotay saw the slight nod from Tuvok, and knew for a fact that Tom was indeed right, Tuvok was running the show. He waited until Tuvok took a seat next to the Captain, but still close to him as well. He casually as possible taped his badge and prayed for the best. 

“Why did you do that?” Tuvok demanded from his seat. 

“Do what?” Chakotay replied as innocently as he could, hoping that he wouldn’t have to face an outraged Vulcan when he saw the beam take both Tuvok and Janeway away, and sighed in relief. “Did you get them?” he asked, over his com link. 

“Yes, and Greg is in position. I’ve arranged a level ten force field in Sickbay when you’re ready for Tuvok to see the EMH.”

“Understood…” he started to say, but just then the ship shook violently. Chakotay jumped to his feet and dashed to the bridge, but there was nothing on the screen, he turned to Harry, “What’s going on?” he demanded.

“I…I don’t know,” the young Ensign replied as he tried to work his console. “One minute it stated we’re alone then it stated were surrounded, but the nature of the enemy is always different,” Harry added as another violet shutter rippled the ship. 

“Commander, I’ve lost control of the helm,” Tom shouted with some serious concern. 

//Damn fucking Vulcan!// Chakotay’s mind roared. He tapped his badge, “B’Elanna, do what you must, but stop this ship!” he ordered, certain now that one paranoid Vulcan was bad news all around. “Tuvok’s corrupted the system, we’ve lost control up here,” he stated as he walked to Harry’s station to see for himself, it was reading a mess. 

“It’s not much better down here,” her voice came shouting back, between the sounds of many concerned voices. 

“Commander what’s going on?” Harry asked, fear tinging his voice. 

“Commander, I’ve been locked out,” B’Elanna shouts over the com. “The Core is over loading!” 

“Fuck!” Chakotay growls and moves to Tuvok’s station and started hacking, the first break was that he could access the computer, “Computer, command override, Zeta, Alpha, Omega, effective now!” he shouted, and waited what seemed like an eternity for the computer to confirm. 

 

“Computer, reestablish links to engineering, ops and helm, now,” he stated as he continued to hack through the computer, seeing that Tuvok had made one hell of a mess. 

“I’ve got engineering back,” B’Elanna shouted, “Warp core is now off line,” she added. 

Chakotay looked up just in time to see the console at his seat and that of the Captain’s explode, injuring the two crewmen at the helm… “Tom!” 

************

Tori stood next to Greg as all hell broke out, shortly after Tuvok and Janeway arrived in separate cells. He wasn’t too keen on being here, but if Tuvok was sick…a part of him told him to ignore it, that he had ignored the sick and injured before, what was one more, but that tiny voice that sounded more like Tom and Chakotay asked him to help, and it was this voice he was focusing on that lead him to be here. 

He felt the shake and saw the dark gaze of satisfaction in Tuvok’s eyes. He saw Janeway panic and Tuvok shout at her to shut up or he’d shut her up permanently as he turned his gaze toward him…then Greg. Quicker than Greg could imagine, he found himself tossed out of the room by Tori. 

“He’s trying to mess with you mentally,” Tori shouted as he double locked the door, so Greg could not get back in and turned to face the mad Vulcan. “What you are doing is wrong and against the IDIC,” he stated coolly, placing his own mental shielding up. 

“A lecture of right and wrong from a murder, that is interesting,” Tuvok growled at being out maneuvered. “But your victory won’t last long,” he stated, knowing that the warp core would soon overload and destroy Voyager. 

Julian moved a bit closer, “I wouldn’t be so sure of yourself, Tuvok. Chakotay…”

“Is finding out about now that this ship is no longer under his control or anyone’s and soon it won’t be around for him to steal. Your kind must be eliminated at all cost,” Tuvok shouted, “At all costs!” 

Then it hit him, Tuvok was assaulting him mentally, but he had expected it, he expected the madness and braced himself against the far wall as his mind tuned inward to fight…

They were both in darkness, but he knew Tuvok was here and that he had brought the darkness, hoping to inspire fear in him. “You can’t scare me, Tuvok, for I have known more fear first hand than your ‘limited’ imagination can conjure up,” he taunted, knowing it would work, since Tuvok was behaving very irrationally. 

“Do not pretend to know me, filth,” Tuvok’s voice rang out. 

Julian focused his mind and knew where Tuvok was now and in a blink of thought was now before him, startling the Vulcan. “You want to fight…let’s fight,” Julian replied coldly as he grabbed Tuvok, their surroundings changing into the red sand dessert of Vulcan, into the very ruins that were still used today for mortal combat. 

Julian didn’t mind the location, for it was another irrational move on the not so well Vulcan’s part, using his energy to conjure up this place. Julian would not allow his mental form to sub come to the false atmosphere Tuvok was creating and with his Starfleet training and his Cardassian training he received from Garak, he grabbed Tuvok and tumbled back, using his legs to the other man’s midsection and then kicked him over his body and back into the stone pillar. He then rolled over and saw the procession of other Vulcans as they stood by and watched the battle. It was then that he saw her, standing in the back ground…T’Pel. 

***************

“We’ve got the ship under control, but it’ll be awhile before I can get the computer back on line,” B’Elanna was stating over his com badge. 

“Do what you can, B’El,” Chakotay stated as Wilderman and Harry were doing their best to aid Kes as she tends to the two injured men, Ensign Walker and Lieutenant Tom Paris. 

“Without the Doc, there is little I can do for them,” she stated. “Tom needs immediate surgery…” she looked at Chakotay and could feel his concern and his love for the young pilot. 

Chakotay reached up and taped his badge once more, “Chakotay to Tori.” He waited, but there was no response. “Chakotay to Tori” 

“Greg to Chakotay.”

“Here, Greg.”

“Tori’s inside the brig area. He tossed me out, stating that Tuvok was going to mess with me mentally and locked me out. I can’t get back in and it’s gone too quiet in there.”

Chakotay cursed under his breath. “Manually operate the Netrazine in the brig. Then get in there and get Tori to sickbay ASAP, it’s an emergency!’

“Yes, sir!” 

Kes was puzzled, “I don’t know what more Crewman Na’Tori can do, if Lieutenant Torres cannot fix the computer,” she stated, sensing the Commander’s urgency. 

Chakotay turned to her, “He can operate…he’s a Doctor.” 

*********End of Part Nine********


	10. Chapter 10

“T’Pel?” 

“How do you know her, you stay away from her!” Tuvok roared as he charged, making this battle very physical. 

Julian rolled easily out of his way and was back on his feet, facing the man he now understood was T’Pel’s husband; thus making this even more difficult. He owed her everything, for she was the one that kept him alive in prison, allowing him a chance to know his love Elim more intimately. His thoughts caught him off guard as Tuvok rammed into him tossing him to the ground, but he was not winded and able to react and keep Tuvok from grasping his throat. “I know T’Pel for she saved me, Tuvok, she saved my life,” he stated truthfully. 

“Liar! She would not waste her time with the likes of you!” Tuvok growled, becoming more and more animal like. 

“But she did waste her time, she saved me, just like I’m going to save you,” he stated, not even aware of his own change. The cold dark sinister look he mentally was sporting shifted away as once again the young healer made his presence known, but it was not complete, for the darkness was still with him, symbolized in the dark clothing he wore. Julian knew it wouldn’t last long, but since Tuvok was making this more physical than mental, he reached up and did a Vulcan neck pinch, which most humans are not strong enough to do, but he was. 

Tuvok rolled over reacting more than thinking, and Julian was glad, for it would give him time to help him. He stood up and backed away, looking around his surroundings, when suddenly he spotted Vorik walk toward him. “Vorik?”

“My apologize for intruding, but Commander Chakotay believed it was urgent that you end this meld, for Lieutenant Paris is seriously injured and the EMH is not functional.” 

Before Julian could respond, Tuvok gave a dark chuckle, for he was no longer affected by the physical attack, since it was not. “That’s right, nothing is functioning, correctly,” he stated, and then everyone turned to the image of Vorik, all of them stating different things, from stay and handle the matter with Tuvok, to kill him, to Tom was dead, Chakotay was dead, they all were dead. 

“Enough,” one of the Vorik’s stated and he stood before Tori. “The Commander said if you had doubts to say one word…Jewel, he said you would know…” Vorik was gone. 

Julian turned to see Tuvok was on his feet, his eyes literally glowing from the fire reflected in them. “He may be gone, but you’re not going anywhere! I don’t know what they think you can do for that traitorous bastard, but they’ll never get the chance to find out!” he snarled as a large knife appeared in his hand and he charged Julian. 

Julian barely had time to react. Deep down he knew that Chakotay would only have risked Voirk if Tom’s life was in the balance, and in his heart he knew it was. He did what once, he would never have considered…

Tuvok charged his victim, greatly satisfied at the sound of the sickly sweet echo of metal entering flesh, but when the blood he anticipated ran green…not red, he froze, and looked up into the face of his wife…T’Pel. “NO!” 

T’Pel’s beautiful face was quickly becoming ash colored as dark green liquid now dripped from her lips, “Why, my Husband have you done this?” she asked as she began to sink into his arms. 

“No…no…no, it wasn’t supposed to be you…no…NO!” he roared as he felt her life force drain away and her hollow eyes stared back at him. 

**********

“Come on, baby,” he heard the voice calling. 

Slowly he opened his eyes and saw Chakotay’s beautiful face looking over him full of concern. “Tay?” 

“I’m here, baby,” he said as he helped Tori to sit up. “I’m sorry to rush you, love, but its Tom…” 

The memory of Tom needing surgery filled him and he snapped through the fog that had him bogged down. He placed a firm hand on Tay’s chest, “I’m okay,” he stated, seeing he was in sickbay, as he slipped from the biobed to his feet, placing everything aside…he had a patient in need. He turned to seek Kes scanning Tuvok, and Tom and Ensign Walker on another biobed. 

Kes turned toward the young man, unsure what to think of the once very closed young man, but sensing a change, gave him a small smile. “The Commander said you could help him, I hope that’s true.”

“I’m sorry, but…”

“It’s okay, Tay, we can talk later,” said, his distance not due to coldness but focus. He moved from Chakotay and took the scanner offered him and walked over to Tom and scanned him. “Kes, your trained in surgical preparation?” 

“Yes.”

“Good, get him read for surgery, he has internal bleeding in his cranium and his abdomen, we’ll have to tend both if he’s going to make it,” Julian stated very professionally. 

“Yes, Doctor,” she replied, now sure that the Commander had been correct, this was a healer. 

Julian walked over to Walker and scanned him and the without a word moved to the replicator and called up what medicines he needed. He then injected two hypos into Walker and then moved to Tuvok and injected one. Then he looked up at Chakotay, his eyes betraying his heart as a single tear fell down his cheek.

“What is it?” he asked quickly as he moved to Julian’s side. 

“I have done the unforgivable,” he stated softly. 

“What?” 

“I knew you would not send Vorik in the meld unless it was necessary and Tom was in danger but in order for me to leave I had to…to stop Tuvok. He was not going to let me go and I didn’t have time to help him.”

Chakotay felt the tremble, “What did you do?” 

“I placed him a perpetual nightmare,” Julian whispered. 

Chakotay was unsure how to react to this, but what he was sure of was the regret and pain he saw in his young love’s eyes. “You did what you had to, and now other’s need you…Tom needs you…Doctor Julian Bashir.” 

“Did you say Bashir?” 

Chakotay and Julian turned to see Janeway, Vorik and Greg, behind her. 

“Ah, she insisted in seeing you,” Greg stated, letting Chakotay know it was his call in letting Janeway out. 

“I have freed her of Tuvok’s hold,” Vorik stated evenly. 

Chakotay stood tall, a protective hand on Julian’s shoulder. “That’s right. Tori is really Doctor Julian Bashir, and he is about to save our chief Pilot’s life,” he stated firmly, daring Janeway to say one cross word. 

To his and other’s surprise Kathryn Janeway walked up to Julian and held out her hand, “You saved my Mark’s life six years ago, while he was aiding the Bajoran refugees. I never got a chance to thank you, and for the record, I thought it was a bunch of hateful hogwash in what they did to you,” she stated sincerely.

Not sure what else to do, Julian took Kathryn’s hand and shook it. “I ah…I need to get into surgery,” he stated, and then with one final look at Chakotay, he pushed passed them and headed to where Tom was being prepped. 

Kathryn turned to Chakotay, “Vorik gave me a brief summary on what happened…I’m sorry, but…well…”

“Its okay, Kathryn, I’m actually glad it was Tuvok and not really you,” he stated honestly. 

Kathryn then looked over to her security officer and saw him out cold, “Will he be all right?” 

“I don’t know,” Chakotay stated truthfully. “We’ll just have to wait and see.”

“Yes, I guess we will,” Kathryn stated, knowing this wait and see policy was going to cover all that has occurred over the last few hours. Chakotay had control of the ship, and had his people at key areas. The fleet didn’t know to what extent Chakotay controlled, but they did know Tuovk and the Captain had been rendered unconscious due to a mental illness…their cover story. Some of the fleet was unsure, but since Chakotay had proven to them his trustworthiness, they had been willing to wait and see…as she too would have to do. 

*************

His body burned with desire as he felt the filling sensation within him and the heat pressing against him. “Yes…yes, more, oh, yes!” he cried out in ecstasy, as his body exploded in pure joy. 

It was moments later before he was aware that he was being stared at, and opened his eyes, and smiled at the sight that greeted him. 

“Happy Anniversary.” 

Julian sighed; it was the most beautiful sight to ever behold, as his husbands were looking at him with pure love and joy. “Happy Anniversary,” he replied full of love and thanks for the two men before him in his heart. 

“Can you believe it’s been five years?” Chakotay said as he snuggled his dark Jewel and held his Angel’s hand, for Tom was on Julian’s other side. 

“Yes, actually that I can believe, it’s this part I have trouble believing,” he said rubbing Julian’s enlarged abdomen. “Can you believe that in two more months we’re going to be parents?” 

“Oh, that’s easy to believe,” Chakotay chuckled. “Leave it to our genius Doctor here to improve on Seven’s Borg technology,” he replied. “And personally, I can’t wait to meet Elim Thomas Bashir and Garak Chakotay Bashir,” Chakotay added, his face all a glow at the thought of being a father. 

Just then the com unit beeped, “Janeway to Commander Bashir.” 

Tom groaned, “You would think that with our husband being First officer, he could have arranged the day off for us,” he stated to the golden beauty in his arms, with teasing in his voice. 

“Here, Captain, what can I do for you?” 

“I hate to bother you, today of all days, but we’ve just made contact with the Klarions, and they are willing to negotiate, but…they are a very patriarchal society.”

Chakotay sighed, “I’ll be there in a few minutes, Captain.” 

“Thank you, Chakotay. Oh, Lieutenant Bashir, it would also seem that your skills are needed, Lieutenant Betaheart just called in ill and is on his way to sickbay, which means, Doctor Bashir your services are needed as well.”

“Thank you, Captain,” they all chimed as one and cut the connection, suddenly finding this situation amusing. 

“Well, at least she got it straight,” Julian replied as he got up with the aid of Tom and Chakotay. “It took her some doing, I must admit, though I still don’t know why you guys didn’t keep you own names…”

“Love, we’ve been over this before,” Tay said as he moved to get the uniforms, as Tom gathered the wet towels and dry ones, a routine showing in their movements, while Julian called up breakfast drinks for them all. 

“We chose to change our name because we both want everyone to know how proud we are of you and how much we love you,” Tom replied as he moved to Julian and helped him get cleaned up, since he couldn’t quite reach anymore. 

“If we ever get back to the Alpha quadrant, I want them to know who I love, and who my husband is,” Chakotay stated as he finishes cleaning himself and gets dressed, tossing Tom his uniform, and walks over to help Julian in his. 

“Again, I don’t care if we ever get back,” Julian stated, handing Tom his drink. “Everything I want is here with me, they could only take it away…”

“We won’t let it,” Both Tom and Chakotay stated in unison. 

“Hey, I told you I’ve got it covered,” Chakotay stated sincerely, assuring his younger husband that his fears were unwarranted. “Also, you have this entire ship backing you, Starfleet would be nuts to even consider coming after you, and as Tom and I have said before, if they do, we’ll drop off the crew and the three of us will take our family elsewhere…okay?” 

“Okay,” Julian replies, feeling silly that after all this time he was still insecure, but he knew it was currently due to the hormones. “I better go check on Rick and see what’s got him ill…and…well, later,” he said and kissed his husbands and headed out. 

“You think he’ll ever forgive himself?” Tom asked Chakotay. 

“I don’t know, Angel, I don’t know. But I do know he won’t give up…”

“Commander, Lieutenant, you are needed on the bridge,” Harry’s voice stated, a reminder they knew from the Captain. 

“On our way,” they said and exited out. 

*************

Doctor Julian Bashir entered ‘his’ sickbay and saw Rick Bateheart sitting on a biobed, with Sam Wilderman scanning him. Julian missed Kes, but she was getting older and had left with Neelix to return home and start a family while they still could, so Sam and Tom stepped up as medics and Julian was training Gerron Tem, a young but very bright and enthusiastic young man to become a doctor. The EMH, having been refitted with a new look, now served at Gerron’s teacher when Julian had his hands full with patients or needed a day off. “Rick,” he greeted as he walked in and scanned him, “Ah, not too bad, but I’ve told you, if you’re going to get intimate with Lieutenant Avraian, than you’re going to have to use the hypo I gave you, or you’re going to keep getting sick. You have an allergy to her feathers, Rick…I’m sorry, but that’s the way it is…for now,” he said, letting Rick be assured that he was searching for a cure. It was sad when two people fell in love and something as silly as an allergy got in the way…but… “Take the rest of the shift off…away from Keelyn and report back here tomorrow morning, understand?” 

“Yes, Doc. Ah, sorry about…today.”

Julian blushed, everyone knew it was their anniversary, “It’s okay, Tom and Chakotay got called in too, so this way I’m not prattling around the house,” he teased, knowing full well he wouldn’t be…Tom turned out to be the home body, Chakotay the cook, and Julian…mother to be. 

Julian watched Rick leave and headed to the back section of sickbay, “How are you feeling this morning,” he asked, but didn’t expect a reply as he moved to the biobed that held Tuvok within. Julian scanned him and then administered the needed medication required in keeping him alive and healthy…physically. He then sat down in the chair next to the Vulcan and took his hand, “Please, Tuvok…” he prayed, as he was once more faced with his past…his doing. Vorik had tried to help, but was not strong enough, and even with Julian’s help, they were not able to free Tuvok of his mental cage; he would forever relive over and over again the murdering of his own wife at his own hands…thanks to Julian. 

Julian Bashir stood up and wiped the single tear that always seem to fall when he cared for Tuvok. It was horrible, but it served to remind him that he would never be free of his past or his wrongs. It also served as a reminder that he did what he had to, for otherwise Tom would have died and the life he held within him would not be there, for the children were a mix of all three of them as per his design. “I’m sorry for what I did, Tuvok,” he stated to the lone figure, “But I’ve finally come to understand that I would do it again if I had too. Perhaps along time ago I would never have thought about doing you harm in order to survive, but, that is the past, and I refuse to continue to suffer for it. Tom and Chakotay are right, it’s time to let go. I had hoped that with time I could free you and return you to the woman that made a difference in my life, but I see that I am doing you more harm than good…it’s time to let go…for both of us,” he stated. Then he moved to the side nightstand and opened a draw where he kept a hypo, incase this day ever came…it was here. He set it to inject and moved to Tuvok and used it, no hesitation, and no regret in his eyes…not for what he was about to do. “Goodbye,” he whispered, and watched as the Vulcan’s life signs faded, and then was gone. 

He cleaned up the body and tossed away evidence, “Computer, Medical log,” he stated, as he was finishing preparing the body as was standard procedure. 

 

“It is with a heavy heart that as of 09:45 ships time, Tuvok has passed away. The weakening heart muscle has given out and following standing orders not to revive him, I have not. Since the death has been witnessed, no autopsy will be required. All Medical logs in regards to Tuvok’s condition will be logged in conjunction to this record…end log. 

Julian looked at the sheeted body and gave a soft sigh. He would notify the Captain, and in a day or two there would be an official burial, and then it would really be over. Just then he felt a kick, and a smile crossed his face, as he turned to exit back to his office. He sat down in his office chair, the old one replaced by Chakotay to give him more comfort during his later months of pregnancy and after sending an official notification to the Captain, for he knew she had her hands full, having bothered the three of them on their anniversary, he leaned back and brought up a story on the screen. “Okay, were where we…ah yes, Enigma Tales, part 27,” he stated, and began to read about a young man who lost everything in the flick of a knife and was plunged in the world of darkness in order to save his love’s soul. But this time there was a different twist, for Julian added “that while in the darkness the young man became lost, his own soul in need of saving, and from the heavens two angels reached into the void and pulled the young man out and saved him. Though they took him to heaven upon their wings of love, they could never remove all the soiled darkness that stained a part of the young man’s soul…he would never be as he once was…innocent…but they loved him anyway, and they were happy…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS: For those who need to know who dies in this story before reading, this is for you - Sadly Garak and Tuvok don't make it. 
> 
> This was an old story, I hope you found some enjoyment in reading it, either again or for the first time. Thank you.


End file.
